Quotes from
|
Otho: Don't mind her. She's just upset that someone dropped a house on her sister.
Otho: Ugh. Deliver me from L.L. Bean.
Charles: And look at that kitchen. You're finally going to be able to cook a decent meal.
[Evaluating her new home.]
Delia: A little gasoline... blowtorch... no problem.
Adam: Barb, honey... we're dead. I don't think we have very much to worry about anymore.
Barbara: We're very unhappy.
Juno: What did you expect? You're dead!
[Adam and Barbara struggle to understand the HANDBOOK FOR THE RECENTLY DECEASED.]
Barbara: Just... can you give me the basics?
Adam: Well, this book isn't arranged that way. What do you want to know?
Barbara: Well... why did you disappear when you stepped off the porch? Are we halfway to heaven? Are we halfway to hell...? How long is this gonna last?
Adam: I don't see anything about heaven OR hell. This book reads like stereo instructions. Listen to this: "Geographical and temporal perimeters. Functional perimeters vary from manifestation to manifestation. [Snaps book shut.] Oh, this is gonna take some time, honey.
Adam: We're not completely helpless, Barbara. I've been reading that book and there's a word for people in our situation: ghosts.
[On Adam's and Barbara's attempts to haunt their old house.]
Juno: I heard. Tore your faces right off. It obviously doesn't do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can't see you!
[On the new house.]
Lydia: Delia hates it. [sees a HUGE spider on a web] I could live here.
Betelgeuse: Go ahead... make my millenium.
Betelgeuse: I wonder where a guy, an everyday Joe like myself, can find a little ACTION?
Betelgeuse: Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.
Adam: What are your qualifications?
Betelgeuse: Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT... NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY... NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?!? You think I'm qualified?
[Why he can't tell Lydia his name.]
Betelgeuse: Because if I tell you, you tell your friends... your friends are callin' me on the horn all the time... and I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a HELL. OK? A living HELL.
[In the afterlife waiting room.]
Clerk: Number fifty-four million six hundred and one... Ferndoch.
Lydia: Maybe YOU can relax in a haunted house, but I can't.
Juno: We cannot have a routine haunting like yours provide proof that there is existence beyond death!
Delia: Lydia, I have a chance to teach you something here. You have got to take the upper hand in all situations or people, whether they're dead or alive, will walk all over you.
[About the house]
Otho: There's absolutely no organic flowthrough.
Delia: I noticed that too; it's like a giant... ant farm!
Betelgeuse: We come for your daughter, Chuck!
Delia: I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane and I will take you with me!
Lydia: They don't want to come down.
Otho: Why not?
Lydia: I think the reason is that they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared.
Delia: Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.
Lydia: My life is a dark room. One big dark room.
Betelgeuse: Nice fucking model!
Lydia: I myself am... strange and unusual.
Betelgeuse: I'm the ghost with the most, babe.
Otho: What happened to the people who lived here?
Delia Deitz: Oh, they died. Hey, look, an indoor outhouse!
Betelgeuse: It's showtime!
Barbara Maitland: I don't get it, I mean where all the other dead people in the world?
Adam Maitland: Maybe this is heaven.
Barbara Maitland: In heaven there wouldn't be dust everywhere.
Main Page...or Look at some Movie Pics