Quotes from
The Big Lebowski (1998)
Donny: Phone's ringing, Dude.The Dude: Thank you, Donny.
Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday Walter?
Walter Sobchak: I'm Shomer Shabbos.
Donny: What's that Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fuckin' ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit
[shouts]
Walter Sobchak: Don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!
Walter Sobchak: I'm as Jewish as fuckin' Tevye!
Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?
The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
The Dude: That's a great plan, Walter. That's fuckin' ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss fuckin' watch.
[After showing him a clip from the porn movie starring Bunny]
Maude Lebowski: You can imagine where it goes from here.
The Dude: He fixes the cable?
Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
The Dude: Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!
Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?
The Dude: Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man!
Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.
The Dude: Yeah, but Walter...
Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish.
Walter Sobchak: I told those fucks down at the league office a thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
Donny: What's Shabbos?
Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit
[shouts]
Walter Sobchak: DONT FUCKING ROLL! SHOMER SHABBOS!
Walter Sobchak: I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death...
The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talkin' about?
The Dude: Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic...
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!
The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Walter Sobchak: And you know this!
The Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.
Walter Sobchak: So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?
The Dude: It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.
Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax...
[Shouting]
Walter Sobchak: You're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking past!
Walter Sobchak: Okay Dude, so far it's just been a string of victimless crimes.
The Dude: What about the fucking toe man?
Walter Sobchak: FORGET THE FUCKING TOE!
Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
Treehorn Thug: [holding up a bowling ball] What the fuck is this?
The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer.
The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
The Dude: My rug.
Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
Jesus Quintana: What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I was gonna fuck you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!
Walter Sobchak: OVER THE LINE!
Smokey: Huh?
Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line that's a foul.
Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
The Dude: Walter, ya know, its Smokey, so his foot slipped over the line a little, big deal.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, the winner of this gets to progress into the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Smokey: Yeah but I wasn't over.
Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey you are about to enter a world of pain.
Smokey: Yeah but...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] A world of pain.
Smokey: Dude, could you...
The Dude: Jesus Walter, you bring a fucking gun bowling?
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one who pays attention to the rules any more?
Smokey: Yeah but...
Walter Sobchak: [shouting] You think i'm fucking around? I'm not fucking around!
[points gun in Smokey's face]
Walter Sobchak: Mark it zero! Fucking mark it zero.
The Dude: They're calling the cops, man.
Smokey: Alright, its fucking zero. Are you happy now you crazy fuck?
Walter Sobchak: ...Its a league game Smokey...
The Dude: Who the fuck are the Kanutzsins?
[when making the payoff]
The Dude: Dude.
Nihilist: [on the phone] Who is this?
The Dude: Dude. The bag man, man. Where do you want us to go?
Nihilist: Us?
The Dude: [to Walter] Shit!
[to Nihilist]
The Dude: Uh. Yeah, uh. Me and, uh, the driver. I'm not handling the money, driving the car and talking on the phone all at the same time.
Nihilist: Shut the fuck up.
Walter Sobchak: Dude, are you fucking this up?
Nihilist: Who the fuck is that?
The Dude: That is the driver.
[Nihilist hangs up]
The Dude: Shit! Walter, you fuck... you fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, man!
Walter Sobchak: Nothing is fucked here, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. They'll call back.
[repeated line]
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: No...
Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole!
[Being forced into a limousine]
The Dude: Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!
The Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.
Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism?
Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of.
Walter Sobchak: Fucking dipshit with a nine toed woman.
The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
The Dude: Oh!
Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
Donny: What's a... pederast, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
Jesus Quintana: You ready to be fucked man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.
The Dude: Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus Quintana: You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Walter Sobchak: Eight year-olds, Dude.
The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.
Walter Sobchak: Fuck it Dude, Let's go bowling.
The Dude: Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
The Dude: She's not my special lady friend, man. I'm just helping her conceive.
Nihilist: I fuck you in the ass, I fuck you in the ass, I fuck you, I fuck you, I fuck you, I fuck...
[destroying a Corvette]
Walter: Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
Walter Sobchak: You have got to buck up, man. You cannot drag this negative energy in to the tournament!
The Dude: Fuck the tournament... Fuck YOU, Walter!
[pause]
Walter Sobchak: Fuck the tournament? Alright, I can see you don't want to be consoled here, Dude. Come on Donny, let's go get us a lane.
The Dude: Jesus, man, could you change the channel?
Cab Driver: Fuck you man. If you don't like my fuckin' music get your own fuckin' cab!
The Dude: I had a rough...
Cab Driver: I pull over and kick your ass out!
The Dude: Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the fuckin' Eagles, man!
Tony the Chauffeur: So he says 'My wife's a pain in the ass. She's always busting my friggin' agates. My daughter's married to a real loser bastard. And I got a rash so bad on my ass, I can't even sit down. But you know me. I can't complain'.
The Dude: Fuckin' A, man. I got a rash, man.
The Dude: Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man.
Blond Treehorn Thug: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
The Dude: My... my wi-, my wife, Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? The toilet seat's up, man!
Walter Sobchak: Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.
Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?
Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration!
Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you
[shouting]
Walter Sobchak: fuck a stranger in the ass!
Brandt: Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier, once we get instructions for the money.
The Dude: Why me, man?
Brandt: He believes the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you are in a unique position to confirm or disconfirm that suspicion.
The Dude: He thinks the carpet pissers did this?
The Dude: Yeah, well. The Dude abides.
The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.
The Dude: The Dude abides.
The Stranger: I guess that's the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin' itself.
The Dude: Did you ever hear of "The Seattle Seven"?
Maude Lebowski: Mmm.
The Dude: That was me... and six other guys.
Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something pendejo, you pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash your piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'till it goes click.
The Dude: Jesus.
Jesus Quintana: You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Walter Sobchak: He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger...
The Dude: The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.
Walter Sobchak: Near the In-and-Out Burger...
Donny: Those are good burgers, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet...
The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.
The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.
The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
The Dude: What the fuck you talking about?
Walter Sobchak: I told that Kraut a fuckin' thousand times I don't roll on shabbos!
The Dude: Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug, uh, regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber.
The Dude: Well, I still jerk off manually.
The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh...
Donny: I am the walrus.
The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say...
Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch...
Donny: I am the walrus.
Walter Sobchak: shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Illanich Uleninov!
The Dude: Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
The Big Lebowski: Isn't that what makes a man?
The Dude: Mmm, sure. That and a pair of testicles.
Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Brandt: Ah haha. That's marvelous.
The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.
Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?
Maude Lebowski: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: 'Scuse me?
Maude Lebowski: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?
The Dude: I was talking about my rug.
Maude Lebowski: You're not interested in sex?
The Dude: You mean coitus?
Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?
The Dude: Walter...
Donny: What?
Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story?
Donny: I was bowling.
Walter Sobchak: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
The Dude: (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?
Walter Sobchak: There's no reason - here's my point, dude, there's no fucking reason why these two...
Donny: Yeah, Walter, what's your point?
The Dude: This could be a lot more uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean it just might, it might not be such a simple, uh, you know?
Walter Sobchak: OVER THE LINE!
Smokey: Huh?
Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.
Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.
Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.
Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.
[After recovering his car from the Auto circus]
The Dude: Oh, Jesus, what's that smell, man?
Auto Circus Cop: Yes, probably a vagrant slept in the car. Or maybe just used it as a toilet and moved on.
Walter Sobchak: The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.
Donny: Who's in pajamas Walter?
Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
The Dude: You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fuckin' glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. You'd just met me... You human paraquat! You figured 'Oh, here's a loser. A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.
The Big Lebowski: Well, aren't you?
The Dude: Well... yeah.
The Stranger: Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.
Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: No.
Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: Yeah.
Walter Sobchak: Okay then.
[After reporting the stolen car]
The Dude: Do you find them much, these, stolen cars?
Younger Cop: Sometimes. Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though.
Older Cop: Or the Creedence.
Walter Sobchak: Now so far, we have what appears to me to be a series of victimless crimes.
The Dude: What about the toe?
Walter Sobchak: Forget about the fucking toe!
Coffee Shop Waitress: Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.
Walter Sobchak: Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.
[While dunking the Dude's head in the toilet]
Blond Treehorn Thug: Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the fucking money, shithead?
The Dude: It's uh... uh... it's down there somewhere, let me take another look.
The Dude: Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not "Mr. Lebowski". You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: No you're not wrong.
Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
The Dude: You're not wrong Walter. You're just an asshole.
Walter Sobchak: All right then.
The Dude: We're screwed now! We don't get shit! They're going to kill her! We're fucked Walter!
Walter Sobchak: Nothing is fucked Dude. C'mon, you're being very un-Dude.
The Dude: My only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off.
The Dude: What was the unspoken message? The unspoken message was: "fuck you!"
Walter Sobchak: And look at it this way Dude, who's got a million fucking dollars in their trunk? Huh?
The Dude: Their trunk?
Walter Sobchak: Who's got a million fucking dollars in their fucking car? And whadda they got? My dirty undies... my fucking whites... Dude, where is your car?
The Dude: Fuck...
Walter Sobchak: It was parked in a handicapped zone, perhaps they towed it.
The Dude: You fucking know its been stolen.
Donny: Who's got your undies Walter?
[Dude, Donny, and Walter walk out of bowling alley to find Dude's car gone]
Walter Sobchak: It was parked in a handicapped zone, perhaps they towed it.
The Dude: Fuck Walter you know it's been fucking stolen!
Nihilist: We believe in nothing, Lebowski. Nothing. And tomorrow we come back and we cut off your chonson.
The Dude: Excuse me?
Nihilist: I said
[shouting]
Nihilist: "We'll cut off your johnson"!
Nihilist: Just you think about that, Lebowski.
Nihilist: Yeah, your wiggly penis, Lebowski.
Nihilist: Yeah and maybe we stomp on it and squoosh it, Lebowski.
The Dude: [on the phone] Of course the car made it home, you're calling me at home. No, Walter, it did NOT look like Larry was about to crack!
[Being shown a picture Bunny's old farm home]
The Dude: Oh boy. How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus.
Walter Sobchak: ...whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary."
Younger Cop: And was there anything of value in the car?
The Dude: Oh, uh, yeah, uh... a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a, uh... uh, my briefcase.
Younger Cop: [expectant pause] In the briefcase?
The Dude: Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
Younger Cop: And what do you do, sir?
The Dude: I'm unemployed.
Malibu Police Chief: Keep your ugly fuckin' goldbrickin' ass out of my beach community.
Walter Sobchak: That's right Dude, They peed on your fucking rug"
Walter Sobchak: Lets not forget Dude that keeping wildlife, um... an amphibious rodent, for... um, ya know domestic... within the city... that ain't legal either.
The Big Lebowski: Are you employed sir?
The Dude: Employed?
The Big Lebowski: You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?
The Dude: Is this a... what day is this?
The Big Lebowski: Well, I do work sir, so if you don't mind.
The Dude: "I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand man.
[The Nihilists invade the Dude's bathroom accompanied by a trained rodent]
The Dude: Hey, nice marmot!
The Dude: Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
Malibu Police Chief: Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town. You don't draw shit, Lebowski. Now we got a nice, quiet little beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?
The Dude: [after a pause] I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
Bunny Lebowski: Blow on them.
The Dude: You want me to blow on your toes?
Bunny Lebowski: I can't blow that far.
The Dude: Are you sure he won't mind?
Bunny Lebowski: Ulli doesn't care about anything. He's a Nihilist.
The Dude: Ah. Must be exhausting.
The Dude: This is the fuckin' guy! I can find this fuckin' Lebowski guy!
Donny: His name's Lebowski? That's your name, Dude!
The Dude: Yes, Walter, I think there is a hidden message here. It's "FUCK YOU, WALTER, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Yeah, I'll see you at practice on Wednesday.
The Dude: Who are you, anyway?
Knox Harrington: Oh, just a friend of Maudie's.
The Dude: A friend with a cleft asshole?
Maude Lebowski: Uli Hauff? Her Co-Star in The Beaver Picture?
The Dude: Beaver? uhhhh you mean vagina? WAIT you know this guy?
Maude Lebowski: Oh I might have introduced him for all I know, *looks at her eccentric artist friend Knox* you remember Uli?
Knox Harrington: yahmmmmm.
Walter Sobchak: Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Lio Carria and... up to... Pizmo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabozoz, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.
The Dude: At least I'm housebroken.
The Stranger: [opening narrations] Way out west there was this fella I wanna tell ya' about. Goes by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for himself. See, this Lebowski, he called himself "The Dude". Now, Dude, there's a name no man would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, like-wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place so darned' interestin'. See, they call Los Angeles the "City Of Angels", but I didn't find it to be that, exactly. But I'll allow it as there are some nice folks there. 'Course I aint never been to London, and I aint never seen France. And I aint never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles, and this here story I'm about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin' every bit as stupefyin' as you'd seen in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can with a smile on my face. Without feelin' like the good lord gipped me. Now this here story I'm about to unfold took place in the early nineties - just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the eye-rackies. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man, I wont say a hero, cause, what's a hero? Sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Dude here - The dude from Los Angeles. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude. The Dude, from Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in all of Los Angeles County. Which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Well, I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced it enough.
The Dude: [Looking at a picture of the Little Lebowski Urban Acheivers] And these are uh...
Brandt: Oh, those are Mister Lebowski's children.
The Dude: Different mothers.
Brandt: No...
The Dude: So racially, he's pretty cool?
The Big Lebowski: [Shouting] Her life was in your hands!
Brandt: This is our concern, Dude.
The Dude: I'm sorry your stepmother is a nympho.
The Dude: Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, you're going to have to realize the fact that you're a god damn moron.
The Big Lebowski: Start talking and talk fast you lousy bum.
Brandt: We've been frantically trying to reach you, Dude.
The Dude: Just take it easy man.
Walter Sobchak: I'm perfectly calm Dude.
The Dude: shouting Yeah, waving the f*cking gun around?
Walter Sobchak: Calmer than you are.
The Dude: Will you just take it easy?
Walter Sobchak: Calmer than you are.
The Dude: Ah, fuck it.
The Big Lebowski: Fuck it! Yes! That's your answer for everything! Tattoo it on your forehead!
The Dude: Oh, fuck me, man! That kid already spent all the money!
Walter Sobchak: New Corvette? Hardly, Dude. I'd say he's still got about $960 - $970,000 left, depending on the options.
Walter Sobchak: Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.
The Dude: I could be just sitting at home with pee stains on my rug.
The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.
[at the funeral parlor]
Walter Sobchak: GOD DAMN IT! Look, just because we're bereaved, that doesn't make us saps!
The Dude: I only said I THOUGHT she kidnapped herself. You're the one who's so fucking certain!
Walter Sobchak: That's right, Dude. 100% certain.
The Dude: Look, nothing is fucked, here, man.
The Big Lebowski: Nothing is fucked?
[shouting]
The Big Lebowski: The god damn plane has crashed into the mountain!
Walter Sobchak: Now that is just ridiculous, Dude. Nobody is going to cut your dick off.
Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Look, man...
Walter Sobchak: Dude, please? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Just ask him about the car.
Walter Sobchak: Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Is that your car out front?
Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: We know it's his fucking homework! Where's the fucking money, you little brat?
Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...
Walter Sobchak: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.
The Dude: And the fucking money.
Walter Sobchak: And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.
The Dude: We're going to cut your dick off, Larry.
Walter Sobchak: You're killing your father, Larry!
The Big Lebowski: What in god's name are you blathering about?
The Dude: What I'm blathering about - new shit has come to light, man. She owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that's cool... that's cool, and of course they're going to say that they didn't get the money, because... she wants more, man! She's got to feed the monkey...
Maude Lebowski: My father's weakness is vanity, hence the slut.
Walter Sobchak: That's not her toe, Dude.
The Dude: Then whose toe is it, Walter?
Walter Sobchak: How the fuck should I know?
Walter Sobchak: Look, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules!
Nihilist: We thought we were going to get a million dollars! It's not fair!
Walter Sobchak: Not fair? Who's the fucking nihilist?
The Dude: Walter...
Walter Sobchak: What?
The Dude: What the fuck does Vietnam have to do with anything?
Jackie Treehorn: People forget the brain is the biggest sex organ.
The Dude: On you maybe.
Malibu Police Chief: Stay outta Malibu, Lebowski!
[Walter and The Dude are talking about the "Chinaman" who urinated on The Dude's rug]
Walter Sobchak: Oh, and Dude, "Chinaman" is not the prefered nomenclature. Asian American, please.
The Dude: Jeez, Walter, I'm not talking about the guys who built the fucking railroad here.
The Big Lebowski: Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir. The bums will always lose. Do you hear me, Lebowski?
[The Dude walks out and shuts the door]
The Big Lebowski: The bums will always lose!
Brandt: How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house.
Da Fino, the Private Snoop: I'm a Brother Seamus!
The Dude: A Brother Seamus? What... like an Irish monk?
Da Fino, the Private Snoop: ...What the fuck are you talking about?
Da Fino, the Private Snoop: Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to... you know, work together on this, you know what I mean?
The Dude: Yeah, I know what you mean, fuck off Da Fino.
The Dude: This is a private residence, man!
Maude Lebowski: Now, what happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn do that as well?
The Dude: Ah, no that was the chief of police of Malibu. A real reactionary.
[after the chief of police throws a coffee mug at his head]
The Dude: Ow! Fucking fascist!
The Dude: Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. Real fucking brat, but I'm sure your goons can get it off him. I mean, he's fifteen.
[pause]
The Dude: Flunking social studies.
Da Fino, Private Snoop: Let me tell ya something: I dig your work. Playing one side against the other, in bed with everybody. Just fabulous stuff.
[the Dude has been drugged and is semi-conscious]
The Dude: So if you could just write me a check for ten percent of a million dollars... five grand...
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