Quotes from
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Roy: WHO YOU CALLIN' PSYCHO?!
Landlady: Don't forget, you own for next month! Egeeeeeeeww!
Roy: How about a gross of fluorescent condoms for the the novelty machine in the men's room? I mean, those are fun even when you're alone. We're talkin' the hula hoop of the nineties!
Lancaster Bowl Manager: Look, I've told you! We don't need nuthin'! We don't even have a novelty machine in the men's room anymore!
Roy: And you call yourselves a bowling alley?
Roy: Some of your outfits you need two haircuts to wear!
Neighbor: Can you get sick from drinking piss?
Roy: Yes, you can.
Neighbor: Even your own?
ESPN Announcer: So Roy, where have you been for the last fifteen years?
Roy: Well, I uh, well, ya see, I uh... Drinking. Lot a drinking.
ESPN Announcer: I see. Well, are you still drinking?
Roy: No. I uh... I put... uh... Why, you buying?
Ish: You been drinking, Mr. Munson?
Roy: I don't puke when I drink. I puke when I don't.
Mr. Boorg: How many children do you have?
Roy Munsen: None that I know of. I mean, I'm unable to have children. Nasty cheese grating accident as a boy.
Roy: God, I hope you don't mind. I got up a little early. So I took the liberty of milking your cow for ya. Egh, it took a little while to get her warmed up. She sure is a stubborn one.
Amish man: We don't have a cow, we have a bull.
[Roy Finishes drinking out of the bucket]
Roy: I'll brush my teeth.
Roy: Just because you're familiar with the missionary position doesn't make you a missionary.
Claudia: Look, Mr. Munster, you're not exactly the smartest guy I ever ran across.
Roy: Oh yeah? And who are you, Alfred Einstein?
Landlady: What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger.
[On smoking.]
Ishmael Boorg: You should try to quit. They say its bad for your heart, your lungs. It quickens the aging process.
Roy Munson: Who's done more research than the good people at the American Tobacco Industry? They say its harmless. Why would they lie? If you're dead, you can't smoke.
Ishmael Boorg: Whatcha doin', Mr. Munson?
Roy: Flossin'.
Ishmael Boorg: Flossin? Where the hell did I get "Munson"?
Roy: The name's Munson, what I'm doin' is flossin'.
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