Quotes from
Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985)
Francis: Today's my birthday and my father says I can have anything I want.Pee-wee: Good for you and your father.
Francis: So guess what I want.
Pee-wee: A new brain?
Francis: No. Your bike!
Pee-wee: I wouldn't sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for a hundred million, billion, trillion dollars!
Francis: Then you're crazy!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Francis: You're a nerd!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Francis: You're an idiot!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Pee-Wee, Francis: I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? (Pee-Wee): Infinity!
Francis: No, I'm not.
Francis, Pee-Wee: You are! No way! Knock it off! Cut it out!
Francis: Shut up, Pee-Wee!
Pee-wee: Why don't you make me.
Francis: You make me!
Pee-wee: Because. I don't make monkeys, I just train 'em.
Francis: Pee-Wee listen to reason.
[Pee-Wee cuffs his hand around his ear in a listening motion]
Francis: Pee-Wee!
Pee-wee: Sh! I'm listening to reason.
Francis: Pee-Wee!
Pee-wee: That's my name, don't wear it out.
Francis: Remember the first time I saw your bike? You came riding passed my house and I came running out to tell you how much I liked it even way back then?
Pee-wee: I love that story.
[Jumps on bike and pedals away]
Francis: You'll be sorry, Pee-Wee Herman!
[After crashing his bike in front of a bunch of kids]
Pee-wee: I meant to do that.
[Showing Pee-wee a box of new gags]
Mario: Fake blood... Or is it?
Pee-wee: Yuck, no.
Mario: Super stink bomb?
Pee-wee: Have some.
Mario: Shrunken head?
Pee-wee: No.
Mario: Regular sized?
Pee-wee: No.
Mario: How about this.
[Brings out enormous head]
Pee-wee: Noooooo!
Mario: Trick gum? Headlight glasses? And how about an Australian Boomerang bowtie?
Pee-wee: 'Come in red?
Pee Wee Herman: There's things about me you don't know, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.
Dottie: I don't understand.
Pee Wee Herman: You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.
Pee-wee: I'm here to see Francis!
Butler: Francis is busy.
Pee-wee: Busy doing what?
Butler: He's having his bath.
Pee-wee: Oh, really? WHERE ARE THEY HOSING HIM DOWN?
Pee-wee: Go ahead and scream your head off! We're miles from where anyone can hear you!
Pee-wee: [holding a pen] Exhibit "D"! Jimmy, what is this - too late! Chip?
Chip: Uh... it's a pen.
Pee-wee: Exactly! I bought this pen one hour before my bike was stolen. Why? What's the significance? I don't know!
Pee-wee: Is this something you can share with the rest of us, Amazing Larry?
Pee-wee: The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It's like you're unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting...
[Pee-wee is offering a $10,000 reward to whoever finds his bike]
Dottie: Pee-wee, how are you ever going to pay a reward like that?
Pee-wee: It's simple. Whoever returns the bike is obviously the person who stole it. So they don't deserve any reward!
Madame Ruby: For twenty dollars I can tell you a lot of things. For thirty dollars I can tell you more. And for fifty dollars I can tell you *everything*.
Pee-wee: Tell me why I'm here first.
Madame Ruby: You're here because you... want something!
[Pee-Wee looks at Mickey's hand as he is wearing one handcuff]
Pee-wee: What did you do?
Mickey: Well, I lost my temper and I took a knife and I uh-. Do you know those "Do Not Remove Under the Penalty of Law" labels they put on mattresses?
Pee-wee: Yeah.
Mickey: Well I CUT one of them off!
Pee-wee: Jee.
Mickey: Yeah, I have a real bad temper.
Pee-wee: Boy, I always thought that was the dumbest law.
Pee-wee: Why don't you take a picture it'll last longer. Ha! Ha!
Mickey: I'm bad, Pee-wee. You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner. A rebel.
Pee-wee: Wow, Deja Vu.
[Pee-wee has been picked up by a trucker]
Pee-wee: Some night, huh?
Large Marge: On this very night, ten years ago, along this very stretch of road in a dense fog just like this. I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building... And when they pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this...
[Turns to Pee-wee and makes grotesque face]
Pee-wee: Aaaaaahh!
Large Marge: Yes, Sir, the worst accident I ever seen.
Pee-wee: Have a nice day.
Large Marge: Be sure and tell 'em Large Marge sent ya! Heh heh heh heh heh.
Pee-wee: Large Marge sent me.
Patron: Did you say Large Marge?
Pee-wee: She just dropped me off.
Patron: That's impossible. She's... It was ten years ago on a night just like tonight. Worst accident I ever seen.
Pee-wee: That means the Large Marge I was riding with was...
All: Her ghost!
Simone: I know you're right, Pee-wee, but...
Pee-wee: But what? Everyone I know has a big but. C'mon, Simone, let's talk about YOUR big but.
Pee-wee: Andy!!!!!!!
[At a life-size diorama in the Alamo]
Tina: This is one of my favorite parts of the tour. Say hello to our residents, Pedro and Inez. Pedro is working on an "adobe." Can you say that with me?
[Tour group responds, "Adobe."]
Tina: Inez is holding a clay pot, of which she seems to be very proud. She has decorated it with lots of paint and glaze.
Tina: Yes, there are thousands and thousands of uses for corn, all of which I'm going to tell you about right now!
Tina: There's no basement in the Alamo!
[Dottie answers the phone]
Dottie: Hello?
Pee-wee: Hi, Dottie, it's Pee Wee!
Dottie: Pee Wee? Where are you calling from?
Pee-wee: Texas!
Dottie: Huh?
Pee-wee: Honest! I'll prove it!
[singing]
Pee-wee: The stars at night are big and bright...
Passersby: [singing and clapping] ... deep in the heart of Texas!
[After Pee Wee passes out]
Texan: What's your name?
Pee-wee: I don't remember.
Texan: Where are you from?
Pee-wee: I don't remember.
Texan: Do you remember anything?
Pee-wee: I remember... the Alamo.
[Texans cheer]
[Pee-wee walks into a noisy biker bar to use a pay-phone]
Pee-wee: Shhhhhhhh! I'm trying to use the phone!
Biker #1: Did anybody tell you that this is the private club of the Satan's Helpers?
Pee-wee: Nobody hipped me to that, dude.
Biker #2: I say we kill him!
Biker Gang: [shouts] Yeah!
Biker #3: I say we hang him, then we kill him!
Biker Gang: [shouts] Yeah!
Biker #4: I say we stomp him!
Biker Gang: [shouts] Yeah!
Biker #4: Then we tattoo him!
Biker Gang: [shouts] Yeah!
Biker #4: Then we hang him!
Biker Gang: [shouts] Yeah!
Biker #4: And then we kill him!
Biker Gang: [shouts] Yeah!
Pee-wee: [trying to throw voice without moving lips] I say we let him go.
Biker Gang: [shouts] No!
Kevin Morton: Doesn't it look like I'm ready? I am always ready! I have been ready since first call! I am ready! Roll!
Pee-wee Herman: [As hotel desk clerk; in deep voice] Paging Mr. Herman! Mr. Herman, you have a telephone call at the front desk!
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