Quotes from
Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Nice Guy Eddie: Okay, first things fuckin' last!Nice Guy Eddie: We got places all over the place.
Joe: So, you guys like to tell jokes, huh? Gigglin' and laughin' like a bunch of young broads sittin' in a schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Four guys, sittin' in a bullpen, in San Quentin. All wondering how the fuck they got there. What should we have done, what didn't we do, who's fault is it, is it my fault, your fault, his fault, all that bullshit. Then one of them says, hey. Wait a minute. When we were planning this caper, all we did was sit around tellin' fuckin' jokes! Get the message? Boys, I don't mean to holler at ya. When this caper's over - and I'm sure it'll be a successful one - we'll get down to the Cayman Islands, hell, I'll roll and laugh with all of ya. You'll find me a different character down there. Right now, it's a matter of business.
Mr. White: Smoke?
Mr. Pink: I quit.
[Later]
Mr. Pink: What, you got one?
Nice Guy Eddie: Did you see that daddy? Guy got me on the ground and he tried to fuck me.
Mr. Blonde: You wish.
Nice Guy Eddie: Listen Vic, I don't mind what you do, but don't try to fuck me in my father's office, I don't think of you that way. I like you a lot man, but I don't think of you that way.
Mr. Blonde: Eddie, if I was a butt cowboy, I wouldn't even throw you to the posse.
Nice Guy Eddie: Of course not, you'd keep me for yourself, you sick bastard. Four years of fuckin' punks up the ass you'd appreciate a piece of prime rib when you see one.
Joe: You don't need proof when you have instinct.
Mr. Orange: What happens if the manager won't give you the diamonds?
Mr. White: When you're dealing with a store like this, they're insured up the ass. They're not supposed to give you any resistance whatsoever. If you get a customer, or an employee, who thinks he's Charles Bronson, take the butt of your gun and smash their nose in. Everybody jumps. He falls down screaming, blood squirts out of his nose, nobody says fucking shit after that. You might get some bitch talk shit to you, but give her a look like you're gonna smash her in the face next, watch her shut the fuck up. Now if it's a manager, that's a different story. Managers know better than to fuck around, so if you get one that's giving you static, he probably thinks he's a real cowboy, so you gotta break that son of a bitch in two. If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb's next. After that he'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear. I'm hungry. Let's get a taco.
Mr. Orange: Fuck you! Fuck you! I'm fucking dying here! I'm fucking dying!
Mr. Blonde: Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullshit you, allright? I don't give a good fuck what you know, or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I've heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get. (He removes his razor) You ever listen to K-Billy's "Super Sounds of the Seventies" weekend? It's my personal favorite.
Mr. White: If you shoot this man, you die next. Repeat. If you shoot this man, you die next.
Mr. Brown: O.K., let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the Great Escape, he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like a virgin."
Mr. Pink: I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullshit I got two words for that: learn to fuckin' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big fuckin' surprise.
Mr. Blonde: Was that as good for you as it was for me?
Mr. Blonde: Listen, I appreciate what, you guys are doin' for me, but I was wonderin' when I can come back and, you know, do some real work.
Joe: Well, that's hard to say, It's kind of a strange time now. Things are a little...
Nice Guy Eddie: They're a little fucked-up is what they are. Listen we got a big meetin' goin' down in Vegas right now.
Joe: Just let Eddie for now set you up in Long Beach, get you some cash, Get this Scagnetti fuck off your back, and then we can start talkin' okay? Huh?
Nice Guy Eddie: Listen daddy, I got an idea. Now just, hear me out. Now, I know you don't like usin' the boys on jobs like these, but Vic has been nothin' but good luck for us. The guy's a fuckin' rabbits foot for cryin' out loud. I'd like to have him in. You know he's reliable and you damn well know trust him.
Joe: (after a short pause) How would you feel about pulling off a job with about five other guys?
Mr. Blonde: I'd feel great about it.
Nice Guy Eddie: Yeah I'm sorry, I should have picked you up myself. This whole week has been fucked up, I've had my head up my ass the whole time.
Mr. Blonde: You know, that's funny, 'cause that's what me and you dad were just talkin' about.
Nice Guy Eddie: Yeah, I know man, I should have picked you up myself, I'm sorry.
Mr. Blonde: No, that you got your head up your ass. I mean I walked in here and Joe's like, Vic, thank god you're back. My son Eddie's a fuck-up. I love him, but he's ruining the business. I mean that's what you said, right Joe? I'm not makin' this up.
Joe: I'm sorry you had to hear it like this Eddie. Vic asked me how business was, and you can't lie to a man who's done time for you.
Nice Guy Eddie: "That's very true." (He and Vic get into a wrestling contest)
Mr. Orange: This is a very weird situation. 'Cause I don't know if you remember back in '86 there was a major fucking drought. Nobody had anything. People were living on resin... -smoking the wood in their pipes for months. This chick had a bunch. And she's begging me to sell it. So I told her I wasn't going to be Joe the potman anymore, but I would take a little bit and sell it to my close, close, close friends. She agreed to that, said we'd keep the same arrangement as before; 10%, free pot for me, as long as I helped her out that weekend. She had a brick of weed she was selling, she didn't want to go to the buy alone. Her brother usually goes with her, but he's in county unexpectedly.
Mr. White: What for?
Mr. Orange: His traffic tickets. Got a warrant. They stopped him for something, found warrants on him, took him to county. Now she doesn't walk around alone with all that weed. I don't want to do this. I have a very bad feeling about it. But she keeps asking me, keeps asking me, keeps asking me, finally I said OK 'cause I'm sick of hearing it. Now, we're picking the guy up at the train station...
Nice Guy Eddie: Wait a minute. You go to the train station to pick up the buyer with the weed on you?
Mr. Orange: The guy needed it right away. Don't ask me why. Anyway, we're get to the station and we're waiting for the guy. I'm carrying the weed in one of those little carry-on bags. I got to take a piss. So I tell the connection I'll be right back, I'm going to the boys' room. So I walk in the mens' room, and who's standing there? Four Los Angeles county sheriffs and a German shepherd.
Nice Guy Eddie: They're waiting for you?
Mr. Orange: No, they're just a bunch of cops hanging out in the men's room, talking. When I walked through the door, they all stopped what they were talking about and they looked at me.
Mr. White: [Laughs] That's hard, man. That's a fucking hard situation.
Mr. Orange: German shepherd starts barking. He's barking at me. I mean, it's obvious. He's barking at me. Every nerve-ending, all my senses, blood in my veins, everything I have is screaming, "Take off, man! Just bail, just get the fuck out of there!" Panic hits me like a bucket of water. First there's the shock of it... -BAM!... -right in the face. I'm standing there drenched in panic. All these sheriffs looking at me, and they know, man. They can smell it. Sure as that fucking dog can, they can smell it on me.
Marvin: I already told you I don't know anything about any fucking setup; you can torture me all you want.
Mr. Blonde: Torture you? That's a good idea. I like that.
Joe: All right ramblers, let's get rambling!
[Mr. Pink comes and sees that Mr. Orange is shot in the stomach]
Mr. Pink: Is it bad?
Mr. White: As opposed to good?
Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown? That sounds too much like Mr. Shit.
Joe: And you are Mr. Pink.
Mr. Pink: Why am I Mr. Pink?
Joe: Cause you're a faggot, ok?
Mr. Pink: How about I be Mr. Purple?
Joe: No, You can't be Mr. Purple.
Mr. Pink: Why not?
Joe: Someone on another job is Mr. Purple!
Mr. White: Who cares what your name is?
Mr. Pink: Oh yeah that's easy for you to say you've got a cool sounding name. How about we trade, OK? You're Mr. Pink.
Mr. White: Hardy fuckin' har.
[Mr. White and Mr. Pink are washing up after the robbery went sour, trying to figure out what happened]
Mr. Pink: You kill anybody?
Mr. White: A few cops.
Mr. Pink: No real people?
Mr. White: Just cops.
Mr. Pink: Somebody's shoved a red-hot poker up our ass, and I want to know whose name is on the handle!
Mr. Blonde: If you're talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch!
Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?
Mr. White: What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it?
Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?
Mr. Blonde: Boy that was really exciting. I bet you're a big Lee Marvin fan aren't ya. Yeah me too. I love that guy. My heart's beatin' so fast I'm about to have a heart attack.
Mr. Blonde: Hey Joe, you want me to shoot this guy?
Mr. White: [laughs] Shit... You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.
Mr. Blonde: All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you aren't going to get.
Mr. White: The choice between doing ten years and taking out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman.
Nice Guy Eddie: Hey look daddy, he goes in a white man, and comes out talking like a fucking nigger.
[Nice Guy Eddie asks if anyone knows what happened to Mr. Blue]
Mr. Blonde: Either he's alive or he's dead, or the cops got him... or they don't.
[Mr. Pink doesn't believe in tipping waitresses automatically]
Mr. Blue: Our girl was nice.
Mr. Pink: She was okay, but she wasn't anything special.
Mr. Blue: What's something special? Take you out back and suck your dick?
Nice Guy Eddie: I'd go over twelve percent for that.
Mr. Pink: I've been here a long fucking time and she's only refilled my coffee three times. I think she should be able to refill my coffee at least six times.
Nice Guy Eddie: Excuse me, Mr. Pink, but I think the last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee.
Mr. White: You can't leave this guy with them.
Nice Guy Eddie: Why not?
Mr. White: Because he's a fucking psycho. And if you think Joe's pissed off, that ain't nothing compared to how pissed off I am at him, for putting me in the same room as that bastard!
Mr. Blonde: See what I've been putting up with, Eddie? I fucking walked in here, I told these guys about staying put. Mr. White whips out his gun, he's sticking it in my face, calling me a motherfucker, saying he's gonna blow me away and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
[After hearing Orange's smuggling story]
Joe: Only one thing to do in that case: shit in yer pants an' dive in and swim!
Mr. Pink: He seems okay now, but he was crazy in the store.
Mr. White: This is what he was doing.
[Mimics randomly shooting innocent bystanders]
Mr. White: Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam.
Mr. Blonde: Yeah, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I told 'em not to touch the alarm, they touched it. If they hadn't done what I told 'em not to do, they'd still be alive today.
Mr. White: [clapping] My fucking hero.
Mr. Blonde: Thanks.
Mr. White: That's your excuse for going on a kill-crazy rampage?
Mr. Blonde: I don't like alarms, Mr. White.
Mr. Blonde: If they hadn't done what I told 'em not to do... they'd still be alive.
Mr. Pink: I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way or the other, you're gettin' outta my way.
Mr. Pink: You even doubt it? I don't THINK we got set up, I KNOW we got set up! I mean, really, seriously, where did all those cops come from, huh? One minute they're not there, the next minute they're there. I didn't hear any sirens. The alarm went off, okay. Okay, when an alarm goes off, you got an average of four minutes response time. Unless a patrol car is cruising that street, at that particular moment, you got four minutes before they can realistically respond. In one minute there were seventeen blue boys out there. All loaded for bear, all knowing exactly what the fuck they were doing, and they were all just there! Remember that second wave that showed up in the cars? Those were the ones responding to the alarm, but those other motherfuckers were already there, they were waiting for us.
[The shot Mr. Orange knows some things about Mr. White]
Mr. White: Well, he knows a little about me.
Mr. Pink: You didn't tell him your name, did you?
Mr. White: I told him my first name, and where I'm from.
Mr. Pink: Why?
Mr. White: I told him where I was from a few days ago. It was just a casual conversation.
Mr. Pink: And what was tellin' him your name when you weren't supposed to?
Mr. White: He asked.
[Pause]
Mr. White: We had just gotten away from the cops. He just got shot. It was my fuckin' fault he got shot. He's a fuckin' bloody mess - he's screaming. I swear to god, I thought he was gonna die right then and there. I'm tryin' to comfort him, tellin' him not to worry, he's gonna be okay, I'm gonna take care of him. And he asked me what my name was. I mean, the man was dyin' in my arms. What the fuck was I supposed to tell him? "Sorry, I can't give out that information! It's against the rules! I don't trust you enough!"
Joe: Cough up a buck you cheap bastard.
Mr. Pink: I wanna find out who the bad guy is.
[Mr. Blonde has cut off Marvin's ear and begins talking into it]
Mr. Blonde: Hey what's goin' on? Can you hear that?
Nice Guy Eddie: If you fucking beat this prick long enough, he'll tell you he started the goddamn Chicago fire, now that don't necessarily make it fucking so!
Mr. White: What, did you forget your French fries, to go with the soda?
Mr. White: Fuck you Maniac!
Mr. Pink: Where's the commode in this dungeon? I gotta take a squirt.
Nice Guy Eddie: Larry, stop pointin' that fuckin' gun at my Dad!
Joe: Give me that book.
Mr. White: Are you gonna put it away?
Joe: I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want with it.
Mr. Blonde: How about a little fire, Scarecrow.
Mr. Pink: Look man, I know what I'm talking about, and black women ain't the same as white women.
Mr. White: There's a slight difference.
Mr. Pink: Why can't we choose our own names?
Joe: No, I tried it before & it didn't work! I had four guys fighting over Mr. Black!
Mr. White: You have no idea what you're talking about. These people bust their asses off every day for us. These tips are what keeps them alive!
Mr. Pink: Ah, fuck all that.
Freddy Newandyke: What's this?
Teddy: Its an anecdote about a drugdeal.
Freddy Newandyke: A what?
Teddy: A fucking story about a fucking job, man.
Mr. Pink: You're acting like a first year fucking thief! I'm acting like a professional!
Freddy Newandyke: Mother fucker, I'm trying to watch The Lost Boys!
[Freddy is talking to himself in a mirror]
Freddy Newandyke: Don't pussy out on me now, they believe you, they believe every fucking word you're saying. And you know why? Because you're super cool.
Mr. Pink: Mr. Blonde! What happened to you? We figured you were dead. Hey! You okay? Did you see what happened to Blue? We didn't know what happened to you and Blue, that's what we were wondering about.
[Blonde doesn't answer]
Mr. Pink: Come on! Look, Brown's dead and Orange got it in the belly...
Mr. White: ENOUGH! Enough! You better start talking asshole! Because we got shit we need to talk about! We're already freaked out, you acting freaky, that could be the fucking bag on our hip!
Mr. Blonde: Okay, let's talk.
Mr. Blonde: Guess what, I think I'm parked in the red-zone!
Mr. Pink: For all I know, you're the rat.
Mr. White: For all I know you're the fucking rat!
Mr. Pink: All right, now you're using your fucking head!
Joe: Okay, let me introduce everybody to everybody. But once again, at the risk of being redundant, if I even think I hear somebody telling or referring to somebody by their Christian name... you won't want to be you. Okay, quickly. Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Pink.
Mr. Pink: Why am I Mr. Pink?
[rubbing his thumb and forefinger together]
Mr. Pink: Do you know what this is? Its the world's smallest violin playing just for the waitresses.
Mr. Blonde: I might break you in, Nice Guy, but I'd make you my dog's bitch.
Mr. Blonde: You kids shouldn't play so rough. Somebody's gonna start cryin'.
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Please, Please, Don't burn me, man.
Mr. Blonde: You all through? You all through?
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Look, I... I got a little kid at home, now PLEASE.
Mr. Blonde: No, no, no, no, no, no. You all done? You all done? Have some fire, scarecrow.
Joe: How does freedom feel?
Mr. Blonde: It's a change.
Joe: So who's your parole officer?
Mr. Blonde: Seymour Scagnetti.
Joe: What's he like?
Mr. Blonde: He's a fuckin' asshole.
Mr. White: I got Madonna's big dick comin' outta my left ear, and Toby the Jap... I don't know what comin' outta my right.
Freddy Newandyke: I gotta memorize all this? There's over four fucking pages of this shit!
[Joe counts the tip and finds it is a buck short]
Joe: Hey, who didn't throw in?
Mr. Orange: Mr. Pink.
Joe: Mr. Pink? Why not?
Mr. Orange: He don't tip.
Joe: He don't tip? Whaddaya mean you don't tip?
Mr. Orange: He don't believe in it.
Joe: Shut up!
Joe: Hey, I've changed my mind. Shoot this piece of shit, will ya?
Mr. Pink: I mean everbody panics, everybody, things get tense, it's human nature to panic, I don't care what you name it you just can't help it.
Mr. Pink: Oh this is just great, I'm totally fuckin' tortured now.
Mr White: That girl's ass...
Mr. Orange: ...should be sitting here right on my dick.
[while cutting Marvin Nash's ear off]
Mr. Blonde: Hold still! Hold still, you fuck!
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