Quotes from
Ghostbusters (1984)
Man at Elevator: What are you guys, cosmonauts?
Peter: Exterminators. Someone's seen a cockroach up on twelve.
Man at Elevator: Must be some cockroach.
Peter: Bite your head off, man.
Ray Stantz: You know, it just occured to me that we really haven't had a successful test of this equipment.
Egon Spengler: I blame myself.
Peter Venkman: So do I.
Ray Stantz: Well, no sense in worrying about it now.
Peter Venkman: Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.
Dana: You know, you don't act like a scientist.
Venkman: They're kind of stiff.
Dana: You're more like a game show host.
[Dana, possessed by "The Gatekeeper," answers the door.]
Dana: Are you the keymaster?
Venkman: Not that I know of.
[She slams the door in his face. Venkman knocks again.]
Dana: Are you the Keymaster?
Venkman: Yes! Actually I'm a friend of his, he asked me to meet him here.
Ray: I think we better split up.
Egon: Good idea.
Venkman: Yeah... we can do more damage that way.
[Evaluating a site for their business.]
Peter: What do you think, Egon?
Egon: I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.
Ray: Hey! Does this pole still work? [slides down a fireman's pole] Wow. This place is great! When can we move in? You gotta try this pole! I'm gonna get my stuff. Hey! We should stay here. Tonight! Sleep here! You know, to try it out!
Peter: I think we'll take it.
[Business is terrible at Ghostbusters.]
Janine Melnitz: [answers the phone] Hello, Ghostbusters... Yes, of course they're serious... You do?... You have?... No kidding. Just gimme the address... Oh sure, they will be totally discreet. Thank you [hangs up] WE GOT ONE!!
[How to deal with the Stay-Puft marshmallow man.]
Peter Venkman: We've been going about this all wrong. This Mister Stay-Puft is okay. He's a sailor, he's in New York. We get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon... what've you got left?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Sorry, Venkman, I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.
[After the Ghostbusters fail to "get" the library ghost and instead run away in terror.]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Hee hee hee! "Get her!" That was your whole plan, "Get her!" You were scientific!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Mother pus bucket!
Dr. Raymond Stantz: My parents left me that house. I was born there!
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're not gonna lose the house, everybody has three mortgages nowadays.
Egon: I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.
Dr. Egon Spengler: There's something very important I forgot to tell you.
Dr. Peter Venkman: What?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Don't cross the streams.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?
Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean "bad"?
Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Total protonic reversal.
Dr. Peter Venkman: That's bad. Okay. Alright, important safety tip, thanks Egon.
Peter Venkman: We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
Peter Venkman: Somebody blows their nose and you want to keep it?
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947.
Dr. Peter Venkman: You're right, no human being would stack books like this.
Ray: Listen! You smell something?
Dr. Peter Venkman: I don't have to take this abuse from you, I've got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.
Dr. Peter Venkman: 24 hours a day, seven days a week. No job is too big, no fee is too big.
Doctor Peter Venkman: Back off man. I'm a scientist.
Doctor Peter Venkman: This chick is *toast*.
Janine Melnitz: Do you have any hobbies?
Egon Spengler: I collect spores, molds, and fungus.
Janine Melnitz: That's very fascinating. I like to read a lot myself.
Egon Spengler: Print is dead.
Doctor Peter Venkmann: Egon, this reminds me of that time you tried to drill a hole in your head.
Doctor Egon Spengler: That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.
Doctor Raymond Stantz: Well, this is great. If the ionization-rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we can really bust some heads... in a spiritual sense of course.
Dean Yeager: This university will no longer continue any funding of any kind for your group's activities.
Doctor Peter Venkman: But the kids love us!
Doctor Raymond Stantz: Where do these stairs go?
Doctor Peter Venkman: They go up.
[Dana has described seeing a terror dog in her refrigerator.]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance.
Dana Barrett: That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there.
Doctor Peter Venkman: What a crime.
[Doctor Peter Venkman is opening the refrigerator door to look for ghosts]
Doctor Peter Venkman: Oh my God! Look at all the junk food.
Doctor Peter Venkman: He slimed me!
[Persuading the mayor to let them stop a supernatural upheaval.]
Dr. Peter Venkman: If we're wrong, we go to jail---peacefully, quietly. We'll enjoy it! But if I'm right, and we can stop this thing, Lenny, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.
Dr. Raymond Stantz: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes, it's true your Honor. This man has no dick.
Janine Melnitz: Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
Winston Zeddmore: Ah, if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.
[Dana is possessed by The Gatekeeper.]
Dana Barrett: Do you want this body?
Doctor Peter Venkman: Is this a trick question?
Winston Zeddmore: Do you believe in God?
Doctor Raymond Stantz: Never met him.
Janine: Do you want some coffee, Mr. Tulley?
Louis: [to Egon] Do I?
Egon: Yes, have some.
Louis: [to Janine] Yes, have some.
Egon: Vince, you said before you were waiting for a sign. What sign are you waiting for?
Vince Klortho: Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!
Doctor Peter Venkman: NOBODY steps on a church in my town!
Ray Stantz: Gozer the Gozerian: good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activities and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
Winston Zeddmore: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!
Peter Venkman: Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!
[In a TV commercial]
Doctor Raymond Stantz: Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night?
Doctor Egon Spengler: Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?
Doctor Peter Venkman: Have you or your family ever seen a spook, spectre or ghost?
Doctor Raymond Stantz: If the answer is "yes," then don't wait another minute. Pick up the phone and call the professionals...
Doctor Raymond Stantz, Doctor Egon Spengler, Doctor Peter Venkman: Ghostbusters!
Doctor Raymond Stantz: Our courteous and efficient staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your supernatural elimination needs.
Doctor Raymond Stantz, Doctor Egon Spengler, Doctor Peter Venkman: We're ready to believe you!
Winston Zeddmore: I'm Winston Zeddmore, Your Honor. I've only been with the company for a couple of weeks, but these things are real. Since I joined these men, I've seen shit that'll turn you white!
Doctor Peter Venkman: All right, this chick is TOAST! Okay sticks?
Doctor Raymond Stantz, Doctor Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: PULLED 'EM!
Doctor Peter Venkman: Heat 'em up!
Doctor Raymond Stantz, Doctor Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: SMOKIN'!
Doctor Peter Venkman: Bang 'em hard!
Doctor Raymond Stantz, Doctor Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: READY!
Doctor Peter Venkman: Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.
Doctor Egon Spengler: I'm worried, Ray. All my readings point to something big on the horizon.
Winston Zeddemore: What do you mean, big?
Doctor Egon Spengler: Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning's reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.
Winston Zeddemore: That's a big Twinkie.
Doctor Raymond Stantz: Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything. You've never been in the private sector. They expect *results*.
Doctor Peter Venkman: Janine, someone with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries.
Janine Melnitz: I've quit better jobs than this. [answers phone] Ghostbusters, what do you want?!
[Janine opens the front door and sees a policeman.]
Janine Melnitz: Dropping off or picking up?
Doctor Peter Venkman: Ray, pretend for a moment that I don't know anything about metallurgy, engineering, or physics, and just tell me what the hell is going on.
Doctor Raymond Stantz: You never studied.
[After Venkman's close encounter with a ghost.]
Doctor Peter Venkman: He slimed me.
Doctor Raymond Stantz: That's great! Actual physical contact! Can you move?
Doctor Peter Venkman: I feel so funky.
[A giant marshmallow man crashes through the streets of New York]
Doctor Peter Venkman: Well, there's something you don't see every day.
Doctor Peter Venkman: This city is about to face a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical?"
Doctor Raymond Stantz: We mean real wrath-of-God type stuff. Plagues, darkness--
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Doctor Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes--
Doctor Peter Venkman: Riots in the streets, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!
Janine Melnitz: I think it's great that you're looking after that man. You're a real humanitarian.
Dr. Egon Spengler: I don't think he's human.
Dr. Egon Spengler: We'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue.
Louis Tully: Uh, okay.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Maybe now you'll never slime a guy with a positron collider, huh?
[the Ghostbusters HQ blows up]
Louis: It is time! This is the sign!
Janine: It's a sign all right: "Going out of business"!
Peter: Egon, your mucus.
[Inspecting Dana's refrigerator for paranormal activity]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Ugh! Look at all the junk food!
Dana Barrett: Dammit!
Dr. Peter Venkman: You eat this?
Dana Barrett: None of this was here, it was a giant space and there were creatures, and they were growling, and I heard a voice say "Zuul." It was right here!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well I'm sorry, I'm just not registering anything.
Dana Barrett: Well are you sure you're using that thing correctly?!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah, I think so...
Dana Barrett: This is terrific! I either have a monster in my refrigerator or I'm completely crazy.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [smiles] I don't think you're crazy.
Dana Barrett: Oh, that makes me feel so much better.
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