Quotes from
A Few Good Men (1992)
Kaffee: Is the colonel's underwear a matter of national security?Kaffee: And don't wear that perfume in court, it wrecks my concentration.
Galloway: Really.
Kaffee: I was talking to Sam.
Kaffee: Maybe if we work at it we can get Dawson charged with Kennedy assassination.
Galloway: Why do you hate them so much?
Lt. Weinberg: They beat up a weakling, that's all they did. The rest is just smoke filled coffeehouse crap.
Kaffee: You don't need a patch on your arm to have honor.
Col. Jessep: Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have more responsibility here than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. I know deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you don't want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand to post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
Lt. Weinberg: You've heard her. My daughter said a word. She said 'pa'.
Kaffee: She was pointing to a mailbox, Sam.
Lt. Weinberg: That's right. She pointed to the mailbox and said 'pa, look, a mailbox.
Kaffee: You ever talk to a client of mine without permission, I'll have you disbarred. Friends?
Galloway: I had authorization.
Kaffee: From who?
Galloway: Ginny Miller. Louden's aunt on his mother's side.
Kaffee: You got authorization from Aunt Ginny?
Galloway: It's perfectly within my boundaries.
Kaffee: Does Aunt Ginny have a barn? Maybe we could hold the trial there. I'll sew the costumes and maybe Uncle Goober can be the judge.
Lt. Weinberg: Cmdr. Galloway, Lt. Kaffee is considered to be the best litigator in our office. He successfully plea bargained 44 cases in 9 months.
Kaffee: One more and I get a set of steak knives.
Kaffee: You think I can't subpoena Markinson?
Capt. Ross: You won't find him. Do you know what Markinson did for his first 17 of his 22 years in the Marines? Counterintelligence. Markinson is gone. There is no Markinson.
Lt. Weinberg: "I strenuously object?" Is that how it's done? Hm? "Objection, your Honor." "Overruled" "No, no. I STRENUOUSLY object." "Oh. You strenuously object. Then I'll take some time and reconsider."
Kaffee: You and Dawson, you both live in the same dreamworld. It doesn't matter what I believe. It only matters what I can prove. So don't tell me what I know, or don't know. I know the LAW.
Kaffee: Oh, spare me the psychobabble father bullshit.
Lt. Cmdr. Galloway: I'm sorry, I should have called first.
Lt. Kaffee: No, I was just watching a ball game. Come on in.
Lt. Cmdr. Galloway: I was just wondering if you'd mind me taking you to dinner tonight.
Lt. Kaffee: Are you asking me out on a date?
Lt. Cmdr. Galloway: No...
Lt. Kaffee: It sounded like you were asking me out on a date.
Lt. Cmdr. Galloway: No, I was just...
Lt. Kaffee: I've been asked out on dates before, and that's what it sounded like.
Lt. Cmdr. Galloway: Do you like seafood? I know a good seafood place.
Col. Jessep: You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely.
Galloway: It's my opinion that if this case is handled in the same slick-ass, Persian bazaar, fast food manner with which you seem to handle everything else, it's my opinion that something would be missed. And I wouldn't be doing my job if I let Dawson and Downey spent any more time in prison than absolutely necessary because their lawyer had predetermined the path of least resistance.
Kaffee: Wow... I'm sexually aroused, Commander.
Kaffee: [yelling] Did you order the code red?
Col. Jessep: [yelling] You're god damn right I did.
Col. Jessep: So how is your dad, Danny?
Kaffee: He passed away seven years ago, sir.
Col. Jessep: Don't I feel like the fucking asshole?
Kaffee: Not at all sir.
Kaffee: Whoa. Hold it. We gotta take a boat?
Barnes: Yes, sir. To get to the other side of the bay.
Kaffee: Nobody said anything about a boat.
Barnes: Is there a problem, sir?
Kaffee: No, no problem. I'm just not that crazy about boats, that's all.
Galloway: Jesus Christ, Kaffee, you're in the Navy for crying out loud.
Col. Jessep: What do you wanna discuss now? My favorite color?
Kaffee: I don't like flying because I'm afraid of crashing into a large mountain. I don't think Dramamine is going to help.
Lt. Weinberg: Try some oregano. I hear that works pretty good.
Kaffee: I figured since we were out of witnesses, I might as well drink a little.
Galloway: We can still win this.
Kaffee: Maybe you should drink a little.
Kaffee: ...and what do we have for our contestants, Bob? For Lt. Kaffee we have a court martial.
[shouting]
Kaffee: Thank you for playing "Should we or should we not follow the advice of the galactically stupid."
Kaffee: Oh, I forgot. You were sick the day they taught law at law school.
Kaffee: Lt. Kendrick, may I call you John?
Lt. Kendrick: No, you may not.
Kaffee: Have I done something to offend you?
Lt. Kendrick: No, I like all you Navy boys. Every time we gotta go some place to fight, you fellas always give us a ride.
Col. Jessep: If you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, you're just letting an opportunity pass you by.
Col. Jessep: Take caution in your tone, Commander. I'm a fair guy, but this fucking heat is making me absolutely crazy.
Col. Jessep: I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me, roll the dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans who are trained to kill me, so don't think for one second that you can come down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous.
Col. Jessep: Ever put your life in a man's hands or asked him to put his life in yours?
Kaffee: No, sir.
Col. Jessep: We follow orders, son. We follow orders or people die. It's that simple. Are we clear?
Kaffee: Yes, sir.
Col. Jessep: ARE WE CLEAR?
Kaffee: Crystal. Colonel, I just have one final question before I put Airman O'Malley and Airman Rodriguez on the stand: If you gave an order that Private Santiago wasn't to be touched, and your orders are always followed, then why would Private Santiago be in danger? Why would it be necessary to transfer him off the base?
Col. Jessep: We follow orders son. We follow orders, or people die. It's that simple. Are we clear?
Kaffee: Yes, Sir.
Col. Jessep: Are we CLEAR?
Kaffee: Crystal.
Col. Jessep: I want you to stand there in your faggoty white uniform, and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy.
Col. Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee: I think I'm entitled.
Col. Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee: I want the truth.
Col. Jessep: You can't handle the truth.
Lt. Weinberg: Why do you like them so much?
Galloway: Because they stand upon a wall and say, "Nothing's going to hurt you tonight, not on my watch."
Galloway: Tell your friend not to get cute down there, the Marines at Gitmo are fanatical.
Lt. Weinberg: Fanatical about what?
Galloway: About being Marines.
Col. Jessep: We're in the business of saving lives, Lieutenant Colonel Markinson. Don't ever question my orders in front of another officer.
Barnes: I've got some camouflage jackets in the Jeep, sirs, I suggest you both put them on.
Kaffee: Camouflage jackets?
Barnes: Yes sir, we'll be riding pretty close to the fence line. The Cubans see an officer wearing white, they think it might be someone they'd wanna take a shot at.
Kaffee: Good call, Sam.
Galloway: Are you planning on doing any investigating, or are you just gonna take the guided tour?
Kaffee: I'm pacing myself.
Dawson: We joined the Marines because we wanted to live our lives by a certain code, and we found it in the Corps. Now you're asking us to sign a piece of paper that says we have no honor. You're asking us to say we're not Marines. If a court decides that what we did was wrong, then I'll accept whatever punishment they give. But I believe I was right sir, I believe I did my job, and I will not dishonor myself, my unit, or the Corps so I can go home in six months... Sir.
Dawson: Do you think we were right?
Kaffee: It doesn't matter...
Dawson: DO YOU THINK WE WERE RIGHT?
Kaffee: I think you'd lose.
Dawson: You're such a coward, I can't believe they let you wear a uniform.
Kaffee: So this is what a courtroom looks like.
Lt. Kendrick: I have two books at my bedside, Lieutenant: the Marine Corps Code of Conduct and the King James Bible. The only proper authorities I am aware of are my commanding officer, Colonel Nathan R. Jessep, and the Lord our God.
Kaffee: It was oregano, Dave, it was a dime bag of oregano.
Lieutenant Dave Spradling: Yeah, well, your client thought it was marijuana.
Kaffee: My client's a moron, that's not against the law.
Capt. Ross: Who is this?
Kaffee: Lieutenant Galloway. She's very pleased to meet you.
Capt. Ross: Who is this?
Kaffee: Lieutenant Galloway. She's very pleased to meet you.
Lt. Kendrick: PFC William Santiago is dead, and that is a tragedy. But he is dead because he had no code. He is dead because he had no honor, and God was watching.
Kaffee: This is a sales pitch. It's not going to be won by the law, it's going to be won by the lawyers.
Kaffee: Whatever happened to saluting an officer when he leaves the room?
[Dawson stands up and shoves his hands in his pockets]
Col. Jessep: You fuckin' people. You have no idea how to defend a nation. All you did was weaken a country today, Kaffee. That's all you did. You put people's lives in danger. Sweet dreams, son.
Kaffee: Don't call me son. I'm a lawyer and an officer in the United States Navy. And you're under arrest, you son of a bitch.
Col. Jessep: I'd appreciate it if he would address me as "Colonel" or "Sir"... I believe I've earned it.
Judge Randolph: Counsel will refer to the witness as "Colonel" or "Sir."
Col. Jessep: I don't know what the hell kind of unit you're running here.
Judge Randolph: And you will refer to this court as "Your Honor" or "Judge"... and I'm quite certain I've earned it. Take your seat, Colonel.
Kaffee: All right, what's the code?
Dawson: Unit, Corps, God, country.
Kaffee: Come again?
Dawson: Unit, Corps, God, country.
Kaffee: The United States of America wants to charge the two of you with murder & you want me to go before the judge with "Unit, Corps, God, country"?
Kaffee: Sherby, does the Navy still hang people from yardarms?
Lt. Sherby: I don't think so.
Kaffee: Dave, Sherby doesn't think the Navy hangs people from yardarms anymore.
Kaffee: Did you talk to your friend at the NIS?
Lt. Weinberg: Yeah, he said if Markinson doesn't want to be found, we're not gonna find him. He said I could be Markinson and you wouldn't even know.
Kaffee: Are you Markinson?
Lt. Weinberg: No.
Kaffee: I'm not Markinson... that's two.
Kaffee: Is this funny, sir?
Col. Jessep: No, it's tragic.
Kaffee: Do you have an answer?
Col. Jessep: Absolutely. My answer is I don't have the first damn clue. Maybe he was an early riser and liked to pack in the morning. And maybe he didn't have any friends. I'm an educated man, but I'm afraid I can't speak intelligently about the travel habits of William Santiago. What I do know is that he was set to leave the base at 0600. Now, are these the questions I was called here to answer? Phone calls and foot lockers? Please tell me you have something more, Lieutenant. These two men are on trial for their lives. Please tell me that their lawyer hasn't pinned their hopes to a phone bill.
[Kaffee hesitates, dumbfounded]
Col. Jessep: Do you have any more questions for me, Counselor?
Judge Randolph: Lt. Kaffee, do you have any more questions for this witness?
[Jessep defiantly gets up to leave the courtroom]
Col. Jessep: Thanks, Danny. I love Washington.
Kaffee: Excuse me.
Col. Jessep: I beg your pardon?
Kaffee: I haven't finished my examination yet. Sit down.
Capt. Ross: I have here the Marine Corps Outline for Recruit Training. I'd like you to turn to the chapter on "code reds".
Cpl. Barnes: Well, you see, sir, "code red" is a term we use, just down in Gitmo...
Capt. Ross: Oh, then, we're in luck. Marching Orders/Standard Operating Procedure, Rifle Security Company, Guatanamo Bay, Cuba. I'm sure we'll find it in there.
Cpl. Barnes: You won't find it in there, either, sir.
Capt. Ross: Cpl. Barnes, I'm a Marine. You mean to tell me there's no manual, no set of instructions that tells me, as a Marine, one of my duties is to perform "code reds?"
Cpl. Barnes: No, sir. No book, sir.
Capt. Ross: No further questions.
[As Ross returns to his seat, Kaffee gets up and snatches the Rifle Company SOP out of his hand]
Kaffee: Cpl. Barnes, turn to the page in this book that tells me how to get to the mess hall.
Cpl. Barnes: Lt. Kaffee, that's not in the book, sir.
Kaffee: You mean the whole time you've been at Gitmo, you've never had a meal?
Cpl. Barnes: No, sir. Three squares a day, sir.
Kaffee: Then how did you find the mess hall if it wasn't in this book?
Cpl. Barnes: Well, sir, like everybody else, I just followed the crowd at chow time, sir.
Kaffee: No further questions.
Col. Jessep: [shouting] What do you want?
Kaffee: [shouting] I want the truth.
Col. Jessep: [shouting] You can't handle the truth.
Col. Jessep: [to Lt. Kendrick] John, you're in charge. Private Santiago doesn't make 4646 on his next Proficiency and Conduct Report, and I'm going to blame you. And then, I'm going to kill you.
Kaffee: You're a lousy fucking softball player Jack.
Capt. Ross: Your boys are going down Danny... I cant stop it anymore.
Galloway: I'm going with you to Cuba tomorrow.
Kaffee: And the hits just keep on coming.
Kaffee: You're Aunt Ginny?
Aunt Ginny Miller: Uh-huh.
Kaffee: I'm sorry, I was expecting someone older.
Aunt Ginny Miller: So was I.
Downey: What did we do wrong? We did nothing wrong.
Dawson: Yeah, we did. We were supposed to fight for the people who couldn't fight for themselves. We were supposed to fight for Willie.
Col. Jessep: Walk softly and carry an armored tank division, I always say.
Kaffee: [just seconds before the trial starts] Last chance. I'll flip you for it.
Bailiff: All rise.
Capt. Ross: Too late.
Capt. Ross: Your honor, it is obvious that Lt. Kaffee's intentions are to smear a high ranking Marine officer with the hopes that the mere appearance of impropriety will win him points with the court members. Now, it is my recommendation that Lt. Kaffee be reprimanded for his conduct and that this witness be excused with this court's deepest apologies.
Judge Randolph: Overruled.
Capt. Ross: Your honor...
Judge Randolph: Your objection is noted.
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