Quotes from
Romancing the Stone (1984)

Jack: Goddamn it, I knew I should've listened to my mother. I could've been a cosmetic surgeon, five hundred thou a year, up to my neck in tits and ass.


Jack: Wait a minute, he's after you. Who the hell are you?
Joan: Well, I'm a romance novelist.
Jack: You're what? What are you doing here?
Joan: I told you, my sister's life depends on me.
Jack: Ah, don't give me that shit. I thought you were donating a kidney or something.

Joan: What is all this?
Jack: All this? About five to life in the States, a couple of centuries down here.
Joan: Oh, marijuana.
Jack: Oh, you smoke it?
Joan: [defensively] I went to college.

Jack Colton: What did you do, wake up this morning and say, "Today, I'm going to ruin a man's life"?

Jack T. Colton: One hell of a morning has turned into a bitch of a day!

Joan Wilder: These were Italian.
Jack Colton: Now they're practical.

Grogan: What's it gonna be, Angelina?
Joan Wilder: [voiceover] It was Grogan: the filthiest, dirtiest, dumbest excuse for a man west of the Missouri River.
Grogan: You can die two ways: quick like the tongue of a snake, or slower than the molasses in January.
Joan Wilder: [voiceover] But it was October.
Grogan: I'll kill you, goddammit, if it's the Fourth of July! Where is it? Uhh. Get over there!
Joan Wilder: [voiceover] I told him to get out, now that he had what he came for.
Grogan: Not quite. [spits] Take 'em off. Do it! Come on!
[Angelina kills Grogan by throwing a concealed knife.]
Joan Wilder: [voiceover] That was the end of Grogan... the man who killed my father, raped and murdered my sister, burned my ranch, shot my dog, and stole my Bible!

[After reading Joan's new novel based on her adventure]
Gloria: Joanie, you are now a WORLD-CLASS hopeless romantic.
Joan Wilder: No, hopeful. Hopeful romantic.

Joan Wilder: You're the best time I've ever had.

Jack Colton: Dammit man, the Doobie Brothers broke up! Shit! When did that happen?

Ralph: Hey Ira, the kid's here with the broad. They're taking her out to the boat. I got a real bad feeling about this one Ira, real bad.
Ira: Will you look at those snappers Ralph!
Ralph: Someone's about to get killed here and you're farting around with prehistoric animals. We've stolen enough of these antique trinkets to keep us living comfortably for the rest of our lives. Let's kiss off this third world toilet.
Ira: Would I ever hurt you, have I ever hurt you? No! You know why? We got the same blood! Would I hurt me??

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