Quotes from
The Boondock Saints (1999)
Murphy: You and your fucking rope.[the two brothers are in an airshaft and getting a bit-uncomfortable]
Murphy: Where the fuck are you going?
Connor: Shhh. I'm trying to figure some shit out, so keep your trap shut.
Murphy: Ahh, fuck you. I'm sweatin' my ass off carrying your fuckin' rope around. Must weigh 30 lbs...
Connor: Shhh. You're fucking shit up now, so get a-fucking-hold of yourself!
Murphy: Oh, FUCK YOU! I'm not the rope totin', Charlie Bronson-wannabe getting us fucking lost!
Connor: Would you shut it?
[taps him on the head with his flash light, and both brothers start fighting in the air vent until it gives way]
Connor: Jesus Christ!
[as the vent is about to give way]
Monsignor: We must always fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men.
Connor: I do believe the monsignor's finally got the point.
Murphy: Aye.
Doc: You know what they say: People in glass houses sink sh... sh... sh... ships.
Rocco: I got to buy you a proverb book or something, because this mix 'n' match shit's got to go.
Doc: What?
Connor: Well, a penny saved is worth two in the bush, isn't it?
Murphy: And don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen.
[a Russian gangster comes into the bar]
Murphy: So you're Chekov, huh? Well, this here's McCoy. Find a Spock, we got us an away team.
Paul Smecker: [Agent Smecker walks up to the first crime scene, where Chekov and his partner lay dead] Brilliant. So now we got a huge guy theory, and a serial crusher theory. Top notch. What's your name?
Detective Greenly: Detective Greenly. Who the fuck are you?
Paul Smecker: [opens his coat and shows his FBI credentials] That's who the fuck I am.
[after Smecker proves the Boston detectives wrong]
Paul Smecker: We'll start the ass-kissing with you.
[Smecker enters the police station, packed with cops]
Paul Smecker: First of all, I'd like to thank whichever one of you donut-munching, barrel-assed, pud-pulling SISSIES leaked this to the press. That's all we need right now: some sensational story in the papers making these guys out to be two superheroes, triumphing over evil. Let me kill the rumors right now: These two are not heroes. They're just two ordinary men who were put in an extraordinary situation and just so happened to come out on top. Yes, nothing from our far-reaching computer system has turned up diddly on these guys. All we know is what we got from the neighbors, and the general consensus is, huh, they're angels. But angels don't kill. And we have two bodies in the morgue that look like they've been serial crushed by some huge friggin' guy.
Il Duce: And no man shall shed blood, but by man shall his blood be shed.
Connor: Now you will receive us.
Murphy: We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry.
Connor: We do not want your tired and sick.
Murphy: It is your corrupt we claim.
Connor: It is your evil that will be sought by us.
Murphy: With every breath, we shall hunt them down.
Connor: Each day we will spill their blood, 'til it rains down from the skies.
Murphy: Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.
Connor: These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.
Murphy: There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to push the bounds and cross over, in to true corruption, into our domain.
Connor: For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three, and on that day you will reap it.
Murphy: And we will send you to whatever god you wish.
Yakavetta: I'm having a shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny joke.
Rocco: Uh, OK. There's these three guys walking on the beach, a spic, a white guy, and a black guy.
Yakavetta: Nigger.
Rocco: Yeah, right. So they find this pot, rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says, "You can wish for whatever you want." So he asks the Mexican what he wants, and he says "I want all my people in America to be happy and free, and in Mexico." So the genie goes poof. It's done. Then he says to the black guy...
Vincenzo Lipazzi: Nigger.
Rocco: Yeah, right, he says to the nigger "What do you want?" and the nigger says, "I want all my nigger brothers to be back in Africa, and happy and free and everything." So the genie goes poof. And they're all back in Africa. So... I'm not funny today, really, this joke sucks, I know...
Yakavetta: Continue the joke.
Rocco: Uh, so he says to the white guy, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me that all the spics and niggers are out of America?" The genie goes yeah, and the white guy says, uh, "I'll have a Coke, then."
[Picking out weapons and gear]
Connor: You know what we need? Some rope.
Murphy: What are you, insane?
Connor: No, I'm serious. Charlie Bronson's always got a rope. In the movies, they've always got rope and they always end up using it.
Murphy: That's stupid. Name one fucking thing you're gonna need a rope for.
Connor: It's not what they need it for, they just always need it.
Murphy: What's this "they" shit? This isn't a movie.
[Murphy picks up a huge commando knife]
Connor: Oh, is that right, Rambo?
Murphy: All right, get your stupid fucking rope.
Paul Smecker: You know, you Irish cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Kind of makes me feel like Riverdancing.
[after dropping through the ceiling on a rope and killing nine mobsters]
Connor: Well, "Name one thing you're gonna need this stupid fucking rope for."
Murphy: That was way easier than I thought it would be.
Connor: Aye.
Murphy: On TV you always have that guy that jumps over the sofa...
Connor: And then you've got to shoot at him for ten fucking minutes.
Murphy: We're good.
Connor: Yes, we are.
Rocco: They can suck my pathetic little dick, and I'll dip my nuts in marinara sauce just so those fat bastards can get a taste of home while they're at it.
Rocco: I killed your cat, you druggie bitch.
Donna: What? Why?
Rocco: I thought it would bring closure to our relationship.
[after Rocco shoots three men in a coffee shop]
Murphy: Kind of liberating, isn't it?
Rocco: You know, it is a bit.
Connor: We haven't really figured out a system to decide who.
Rocco: Me. I'm the guy. I know everyone. I know their habits, who they hang out with. I got phone numbers, addresses. I know who they're fucking, I know where they live. We could kill EVERYONE.
Murphy: So what do you think?
Connor: I'm strangely comfortable with it.
Paul Smecker: Greenly, the day I want the Boston Police to do my thinking for me is the day I will have a fucking tag on my toe.
Yakavetta: He's happy now, just killing us one by one. And worse, he's good at it.
Augustus DiStephano: Your father and I used him three times in twenty years, only when things got totally fucked. Whenever we needed one of our own bumped off, we called this guy in. He had a thing for clipping wiseguys, but only one rule: No women, no kids. Believe me, kid, you don't want this guy unless you are one hundred percent sure you need him. He's a fucking monster.
[after finding a suitcase full of cash with the dead mobsters]
Murphy: The hits just keep on coming. I love our new job.
Rocco: This guy takes out a whole family - wife, kids - like he's ordering fucking pizza.
Paul Smecker: So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns, and he was a senior frigging citizen?
Murphy: There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption, into our domain.
Murphy: Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.
Connor: How far are we going to take this, Da?
Il Duce: The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far as is needed?
Connor: It's the real deal, Roc. Evil man, dead man.
[after Rocco fondles an unconscious stripper's breast]
Connor: What the fuck are you doing?
Rocco: ...I'll tip her.
Murphy: We're sorta like 7-11. We're not always doin' business, but we're always open.
Connor: That was nicely put.
Yakavetta: The 90's are killing me. I shouldn't have done that. You're not supposed to tell a guy you're gonna kill him no more. I got to tiptoe through the tulips with these assholes. Taking all the fun out of the job.
Il Duce: Never shall innocent blood be shed, yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river. The Three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God.
[after Rocco gets his finger shot off]
Rocco: Feels like it's still there.
Connor: Yeah, well it's not.
[Connor and Murphy always pray over their victims]
Connor, Murphy: And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee, Power hath descended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command, we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patris, et filii...
[they cock their guns]
Connor, Murphy: ...et spiritus sancti.
[blam]
Paul Smecker: Television is the explanation for this. You see this in bad television. Little assault guys creeping through the vents, coming in through the ceiling - that James Bond shit never happens in real life, professionals don't do that.
Doc: Why don't you make like a tree, and get the fuck outta here?
Rocco: Shut your fat ass, Rayvie! I can't even go to the store to get a pack of smokes without runnin' into nine guys you've fucked.
Paul Smecker: So Duffy, have any theories to go with that tie?
Connor: Jesus. He brought a six-shooter.
Murphy: There's nine bodies, genius.
Connor: What the fuck were you going to do, laugh the last three to death, Funny-Man?
Connor: These decent men with loving families, they go home every day after work, and turn on the news and you know what they see? They see rapists and murderers and child molestors and they're all getting' out of jail.
Murphy: "Mafiosos," getting' caught with 20 kilos, getting' out on bail. Same fucking day.
Connor: And everyone, everywhere thinks the same thing: that someone should just go kill those mother fuckers.
Murphy: Kill 'em all. Admit it, even you've thought about it.
Paul Smecker: There was a FIRE FIGHT.
Rocco: Fucking... What the fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking... How did you two fucking fucks... FUCK.
Connor: Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.
[During job training for Rosengurtie Baumgartener, an avid feminist]
Connor: The rule of thumb here is...
Rosengurtie: Rule of thumb? Wait, rule of thumb? In the early 1900s it was legal for men to beat their wives, so long as they used a stick no wider than their thumb.
Connor: Well, can't do much damage with that then can ya? Maybe it should have been a rule of wrist.
The Priest: Would they ever harm an innocent person for any reason?
[of Rocco, who's holding him at gunpoint]
Paul Smecker: No, they would never do that.
[beat]
Paul Smecker: Well, the two Irish guys wouldn't, the Italian guy, he might, but he's kind of an idiot.
Paul Smecker: Good shooting, shitty shooting.
[while drunk in the confession booth]
Paul Smecker: I put evil men behind bars, but the law has miles of red tape and loopholes for these cocksuckers to slip through.
[after Rocco enters the bar]
Rocco: Hey fuck-ass, gimme a beer.
Paul Smecker: Just pour the drink, you fairy fuck.
[after Smecker gets a phone call in bed with his gay lover]
Paul Smecker: What are you doing?
Hojo: I just wanted to cuddle.
Paul Smecker: Cuddle? What a fag.
Connor: Destroy all that which is evil.
Murphy: So that which is good may flourish.
[after Rocco accidentally turns a cat into a splatter on the wall]
Murphy: I can't believe that just fucking happened!
Rocco: Is it dead?
Detective Dolly: [sarcastically] So, what's the symbology of all this?
Paul Smecker: "Symbology"? Well, now that Duffy's relinquished his King Bonehead crown, I see we have a new heir to the throne. The word I believe you're looking for is "symbolism".
[when his stuttering gets out of control]
Doc: FUCK. ASS.
Detective Greenly: These guys are miles away by now, but if you want to beat your head against a wall, here's what you're looking for: They're scared, like two little bunny rabbits. Anything in a uniform or flashing blue lights is gonna spook 'em. Ok? So the only thing we can do is put a potato on a string and drag it through South Boston. And thanks for comin' out.
[Murphy and Connor walk into the station and Smecker sees them]
Murphy: You'd probably have better luck with beer.
Connor: Aye, you would.
Detective Greenly: Fuck.
Paul Smecker: [walking through the hotel room] How many bodies, Greenly?
Detective Greenly: Eight.
[Smecker gives him a look]
Detective Greenly: Ah, shit! I forgot about that one! Nine!... Nine?
Paul Smecker: While Greenly's out gettin' coffee, anybody else want anything?
[to dead body at investigation scene]
Detective Greenly: Where you goin'? Nowhere.
Connor: Now Roc... are you sure that you're obee-kaybee?
[after being pulled into a hotel suite with nine dead Russian mobsters that the MacManus brothers just killed. To the masked, unrecognizable MacManus brothers]
Rocco: Boy, you guys sure did a good job. Ah shit, you guys are good huh? Cool masks. Where'd you get 'em?
[to a trio of Russian mobsters threatening them in an Irish bar on St. Patrick's Day]
Rocco: Hey Boris, what would you do if I told you your Pinko Commie mother sucked so much dick, her face looked like an egg?
Detective Duffy: This was their target, the fag-man.
Paul Smecker: The what-man?
[awkward pause]
Detective Duffy: The fat man.
Paul Smecker: Well, well. Freud was right.
[to a woman in the court room before they kill Yakavetta]
Il Duce: You must watch, dear. It'll all be over soon.
[after Rocco accidently kills his girlfriend's cat]
Connor: Donna's gonna be angry about her cat.
Rocco: Fuck, she's on every drug known to man. She'd have sold the thing for a dime-bag. Screw her.
Rocco: I do kinda feel like an asshole, though.
Connor: Yeah, Roc, you sound real remorseful there.
[Rocco has killed Donna's cat]
Donna: You killed my... my...
Rocco: [putting a gun to his head] Your what? I'll shoot myself in the head if you can tell me that fucking cat's name! Your what? Your precious, little...
Donna: Skippy! Skippy!
Rocco: Aw, Jesus! What color was it, bitch?
Detective Greenly: What if it was one guy with six guns?
Paul Smecker: Why don't you let me do the thinking, huh, genius?
Detective Greenly: I ain't getting him no fucking bagel.
Paul Smecker: Why don't you get me a cup of coffee?
Detective Greenly: Who the hell is this...?
Paul Smecker: Cafe latte.
Detective Greenly: What the fuck...?
Paul Smecker: Twist of lemon.
Detective Greenly: Chief, what the fuck is this?
Paul Smecker: Sweet'N Low.
[after proving Greenly wrong yet again]
Paul Smecker: Hey Greenly? Onion bagel, cream cheese.
Murphy: Yeah, it's St. Patty's Day, everyone's Irish tonight. Why don't you just pull up a stool and have a drink with us?
Rocco: Wyatt-fuckin-Earp!
Il Duce: When I vest my flashing sword, and my hand takes hold in judgment, I will take vengeance upon mine enemies, and I will repay those who haze me. Oh Lord, raise me to Thy right hand and count me among Thy saints.
Paul Smecker: Looks like we've got ourselves a cowboy.
Yakavetta: You insignifi-CANT, little fuck!
[first lines]
Mackiepenny: Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, now and forever. Amen.
[last lines]
Man in the street: I'm ready to
[beep]
Man in the street: my
[beep]
Man in the street: on. OK? I'm ready to get busy too. You know, I'm ready to get *busy*.
Rocco: That was real funny. That was REAL FUCKING FUNNY WASN'T IT? HUH?
Bartender: Not me not me!
Rocco: [shoots the "fat fuck" bartender" emptying his revolver] It was FUNNY! FUNNY FUNNY! FUNNY!
[gun clicks empty]
[after discovering sickos in the booths at a strip club]
Connor: It's like a scumbag yard sale.
Murphy: We should come down here once a week and clean house.
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