Tatum: You're not going to pee alone any more. If you pee, I pee. Is that clear? Sidney Prescott: You sick fucks, you've seen one too many movies! Billy: Now Sid, don't you blame the movies, movies don't create psychos, movies make psychos more creative! Tatum: "I'll send you a copy." BAM! Bitch went down. "I'll send you a copy." BAM! Syd! Superbitch! Casey: Who's there? Ghostface: Never say who's there? Don't you watch scary movies? It's a death wish. You might as well come out to investigate a strange noise or something. Randy: Listen up. They found Mr. Himbry dead. He was gutted and hung from the goal post on the football field. Drunk teen: Well what are we waiting for? Lets go over there before they pry him down! Stu: When do we see Jamie Lee's breasts? I wanna see Jamie Lee's breasts. Gale: Jesus, get the camera, hurry! Kenny: My name's not Jesus. Gale: Look, Kenny, I know you're about fifty pounds overweight, but when I say hurry, please interpret that as MOVE YOUR FAT TUB OF LARD ASS NOW! Reporter: Sidney, how does it feel to be almost brutally butchered? How does it feel? People have a right to know! Tatum: Stupidity Leak! Tatum: Billy and his penis don't deserve you. Gale: If I'm right about this, I could save a man's life. Do you know what that would do for my book sales? Tatum: Who am I? The beer wench? Randy: If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath - would you be standing in the horror section? Stu: As if, that's all I'm saying, as if. Randy: Oh really Alicia? Casey: Look, I am two seconds away from calling the police! Phone Voice: They'll never make it in time. Sidney Prescott: Fuck you. Billy: We've already played that game, remember? You lost. Sidney Prescott: How do you - gut someone? Stu: You take a knife and split 'em from groin to sternum. Billy: It's called tact you fuckrag! Billy: It's called subtlety, Stu. You should look it up sometime. Sidney Prescott: But this is NOT a movie. Billy: Yes it is, Sidney. It's all one big movie. Randy: Now that Billy tried to mutilate her, do you think Sidney would go out with me? Tatum: Oh, please don't kill me, Mr. Ghostface, I wanna be in the sequel! Stu: I will totally protect you. Yo, I am so buff, I got you covered, girl. Sidney Prescott: Stu, Stu, what's your motive? Billy's got one, the police are on their way, what are you gonna tell them? Stu: Peer pressure, I'm far too sensitive. Sidney Prescott: I wish I could be a Meg Ryan movie. Or at least a good porno. Stu: Did you really call the cops? Sidney Prescott: You bet your sorry ass I did. Stu: My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me! Tatum: Just think, if they make a movie about all this, who would play you? Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley: I see you as a young Meg Ryan, myself. Sidney Prescott: Thanks, Dewey, but with my luck they'd get Tori Spelling. Randy: I never thought I'd be so happy to be a virgin! Killer: Do you like scary movies? Sidney Prescott: What's the point they're all the same, some stupid killer stalking some big-breasted girl who can't act and is always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door, it's insulting. Randy: It's the millennium, motives are incidental. Billy: Life is like a movie. Only you can't pick your genre. Randy: There's always some stupid bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend. That's the beauty of it all! Simplicity! Besides, if it gets too complicated, you lose your target audience. Principal Himbry: You make me so sick. Your entire havoc-inducing, thieving, whoring generation disgusts me. Girl in Bathroom: Think about it... her mothers death leaves her disturbed and hostile in a cruel and inhumane world. She's delusional, fears God, etc. She wants to kill her self, but then she realizes that teen suicide is out this year, and homicide is a much healthier therapeutic expression. Cheerleader in Bathroom: Where do you get this shit? Girl in Bathroom: Ricky Lake. Casey: Listen, asshole! Phone Voice: No, you listen, you little bitch! You hang up on me again, I'll gut you like a fish, understand? Can you handle that... Blondie? Billy: [quoting Norman Bates] We all go a little mad sometimes. Killer: Okay, answer this question, you live. Who was the killer in Friday the 13th? Casey: Jason! It was Jason! Killer: Nope. Casey: Yes it was! I've seen that movie 30 goddam times! Killer: Then you should know that the killer was Mrs. Voorhees, Jason never appeared until the sequel! Billy: That woman was a slut-bag whore who flashed her shit all over town like she was Sharon Stone or something. Tatum: [about Casey Becker's death] It's so sad. Her mom and dad found her hanging from a tree limb, her insides on the outside. Randy: There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to survive a horror movie. First, you can never drink or do drugs.
[crowd boos] Randy: Second, you can never have sex. BIG NO NO. It's a sin. It's an extension of number 1. And last, you can never, ever, ever under any circumstances say "I'll be right back," 'Cause you won't be back. Stu: I'm gettin' another beer, you want one? Randy: Sure. Stu: I'll be right back. Randy: See, you stretch the rules and you end up dead. I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife. Randy: The police are always off track with this shit! If they'd watch Prom Night, they'd save time! There's a formula to it. A very simple formula!
[yelling in video store] Randy: EVERYBODY'S A SUSPECT! Gale Weather: Kenny, I'm sorry you're dead, but
[shouting] Gale Weather: get the fuck off of my windshield! Gale: Guess I remembered the safety that time, bastard. Stu: I always had a thing for ya Sid! Sidney Prescott: In your dreams!
[She drops a television on his head] Billy: [licks blood] Mmmm... corn syrup. Same stuff they used as pig's blood in Carrie. Billy: You're slut mother was fucking my father... is that motive enough for you? Billy: Your slut mother was fucking my father. She's the reason my mom moved out and abandoned me... how's that for a motive? Billy: You hear that Stu? I think she wants a motive. Well I don't really belive in motives Sid, I mean did Norman Bates have a motive? Stu: No. Billy: Did we ever find out why Hannibal Lector liked to eat people? DON'T THINK SO. See it's a lot scarier when there's no motive. Stu: See it's a fun game Sidney. We ask you questions and if you get one wrong, BOO-GAH, you die. Billy: You get one right, you die. Stu: And let's face it Sidney, your mother was no Sharon Stone. Ghostface: What's your favorite scary movie?