Quotes from
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Steve: This is great I never win at checkers.
Mike: Well, it's kinda easy to win when you NEVER MOVE YOUR BACK ROW!
Steve: Are you or are you not the Black Angel of Death?
Mike: I'm just dandy, I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants!
State Trooper: Tell me, officer, do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Mike Donnelly: Well, I got a 426 hemi here, 3/4 cams, nitro boosters, I can get 'er up to as good as 155! Never do, though, of course, unless I'm chasing a cute chick in a Ferrari! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I guess I was goin' about... 65, tops.
State Trooper: SEVEN! SEVEN miles an hour! And normally, when I stop people, they pull onto the *shoulder*!
Drake Sabitch: I'm not far from dragging you out of the car and beating you to dust.
Steve Dodds: You should work up to that, kinda leaves you nowhere to go.
Old lady: Dream on, you little fart.
[phoning citizens in an attempt to secure votes]
Mike Donnelly: Hi there, this is Mike Donnelly. I work over here at the recreational center. To be honest with you I pretty much run the place ha, ha, ha. Is this ah Pat Gyles? Good, Good. Hey, hope everything's going great in your fine town of er Avery? Edward! Ha, ha, ha. Say, the reason I'm calling is I wanted to tell you a little bit about the candidacy of Al Donnelly. Al Donnelly's a guy with a dream. His dream is to become governor of this great state of Washington. Hell, every guy's got his dream, am I right? Between you, me and the wall here, I doozy myself last night. Ha ha, ha, ha. Get this: A corn-fed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles yo-yo's, a circus midget. My grandmother riding by on a bicycle give me the finger, and a duck! Now, I don't know ha, ha, ha. Are you crying? Oh my lord. I am sorry honey, please don't ! Could you get your daddy on the phone. No, don't hang up please I...
[phone hangs up]
Mike Donnelly: [On stage making a fool of himself] Voting kicks ass right!!! Cause, uh, if voting kicks ass, you got some kick ass shit!!!!!
Steve: [on Drake Sabitch] This guy is like Leatherface, Chucky and Jan Brady all rolled into one.
Mike Donnelly: [On stage making a fool of himself] That's one small step for man!! One giant...I have a dream!!!
Gov. Tracey: Neushwender are you finished stirring that drink or is this some kind of fucking science experiment?
Mike Donnelly: [Dressed as security guard] Please move away from this vector and get into another coordinate pronto. There's no access for you in this quadrant.
[The roof has blown off the house and it begins to hail all over Mike who is in the top bunk]
Steve: Hey Mike, 'I got dibs on top' Ha ha.
Mike Donnelly: Shut up!
Steve: Ha ha ha ha ha.
Mike Donnelly: Why don't you shut up?
Steve: Heh heh, 'Hello Washington'. Ha ha ha.
Mike Donnelly: SHUT UP!
Mike Donnelly: What the hell was that?
Steve: A chunk in the road or something.
Mike Donnelly: I just chunked in my pants.
Governor Tracy: Now you'll have to tell me your name so I know who to make the check out to.
Clyde Spinoza: My best friends call me Cash.
Mike Donnelly: And so he says, "Rectum? Damn near killed'em!"
Cop: Could you take him through here a little faster than seven miles per hour, Officer...
Mike Donnelly: Meoff, Jack.
[Turns to Steve and mouths: "Jack Meoff".]
[Steve comes back sprayed with a fire extinguisher]
Mike Donnelly: Whoa, what happened to you? Did you fall into some mud or something?
Steve: Yeah, I did. And now I'm gonna be famous because I'm the only one in the world who knows where you can find *white* mud.
[Mike is pretending to be a cop, Steve is pretending to be a prisoner]
Steve: Ro-ads. Ro-ods.
Mike: Quiet back there! I've taken enough guff from you for one day!
[Turns to state trooper]
Mike: Raving psycho! Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagel. I'm taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses!
Mike: We've all been screwed by Governer Tracy, and now, I'm going to screw her!
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