Quotes from
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Mr. Garrison: Sorry kids, I just can't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
[In bed together.]
Satan: Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
Sadaam Hussein: I love you.
Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else?
Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?
Terrance: You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip!
Phillip: Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker?
Terrance: Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
Phillip: Oh yeah!
Mr. Mackey: Young man, did you just say the Q-word?
Stan: Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?
[Demonstrating a "V-Chip" planted into Cartman]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now, I want you to say "doggy".
Cartman: Doggy.
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Notice, that nothing happens. [to Cartman] Now, say "montana".
Cartman: Montana.
Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now, "pillow".
Cartman: Pillow.
Dr. Vosknocker: Alright. Now I want you to say "horse fucker".
Mrs. Cartman: Go on, honey. It's alright.
Cartman: Horse fu-- [gets shocked by the V-chip] That hurts, god damn it!
[gets shocked again]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now I want you to say "big floppy donkey dick".
Cartman: No!
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Success! The child doesn't want to swear!
Cartman: This isn't fair, you sons of bi--
[gets shocked repeatedly]
Cartman: Don't call me fat, you fucking jew!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: Jew?
Kyle: No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat-ass!
Cartman: Why the fuck not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: Fuck!
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck.
Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school councelor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
Mr. Garrison: What did you say?
Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was... [picks up a megaphone] HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS?
Stan: Holy shit, dude.
[After student provides incorrect answer to math problem]
Mr. Garrison: Ok, now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard... anyone?
[To Phillip]
Terrance: This is worse than the time when I fell asleep and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture.
Brooke Shields: I once farted on the set of Blue Lagoon.
Cartman: Dumb shit, respect my fuckin' authoritah!!!
Howard McGillin: They may cut your dick in half / And serve it to a pig. / And though it hurts you'll laugh / And dance a dickless jig.
Stan: The sun is shining and the grass is green. / Under the three feet of snow, I mean.
Newscaster: It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by wild boars and the world is still glad to be rid of him.
Cartman: Kyle, all those times I said you were a dumb, stupid Jew, well, I was wrong, you're not a Jew.
Kyle: Cartman, I *am* Jewish!
Cartman: There, there, don't be hard on yourself, Kyle.
Cartman: That movie has warped my fragile little mind.
Cartman: Why don't you suck my balls.
Mr. Garrison: What did you just say?!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry. [Pulls out a megaphone] I said: WHY DON'T YOU SUCK MY BALLS!
Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German Scheisse video, you... you'd tell me, wouldn't you?
[short pause]
Mrs. Cartman: Sure, hon.
Cartman: Yes, that's right, I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie. Now who wants to touch me?
Chef: Ain't you heard of the emmancipation proclamation?
General: I don't listen to hip-hop.
Kyle: Let me have some more candy Cartman.
Cartman: Let's see, hmm, I don't have any Jewish chocolate.
Kyle Broslofski: Fine! Like you really need more, fat boy!
Dr. Doctor: We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live.
Stan Marsh: But this is going to be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film from Canada.
Stan Marsh: How can I get a woman to like me more than another guy?
Chef: Simple Stan, just find the clitoris!
Stan Marsh: What?
Chef: Hang on, what did I just say?
Stan Marsh: What's a clitoris?
Chef: Nothing, nothing, forget I said it.
Stan Marsh: Hang on, before you do, search for the word "clitoris."
Kyle Broslofski: OK, hang on... 1,830,000 pages found with the word clitoris.
Stan Marsh: What would Brian Boitano do / If he was here right now / He'd make a plan and he'd follow through / That's what Brian Boitano would do.
Mr. Garrison: I can't wait to take leave so I can get me some fucking poontang.
Canadian Representative: Our government has apologized for Bryan Adams on numerous occasions!
[After student provides incorrect answer to math problem]
Mr. Garrison: All right, now let's hear it from someone who isn't a complete retard?
Canadian Ambassador: Can I finish? Can I finish? Can I finish? [pause] I'm finished.
Kyle Broslofski: Hey, Mole, be careful.
Mole: Careful? Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a clothes hanger while still in the womb?
Stan Marsh: Man, that kid is fucked up!
Sheila Broflovski: Just remember what the MPAA says: Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words!
Saddam Hussein: All this torturing people gets me HOT!
Kyle Broflovski: Hey, Mole, be careful.
Mole: Careful? Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a clothes hanger while I was still in the womb?
Stan Marsh: Man, that kid is fucked up!
Philip: This is worse than when I stuck my dick in your mouth and took a picture of it.
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