Quotes from
Spies Like Us (1985)
Austin: They do seem to be headed in that general direction. Maybe your dick's not so dumb.
Emmett: It got me through high school.
[Surrounded by Ninja warriors.]
Emmett Fritz-Hume: If you let us go, I'll bring back the sun. [Shows a picture from his wallet.] Here's a picture of my sister. If you let us go you can have her. I hear she's quite good.
Austin Milbarge: You mean you don't feel a certain degree of URGENT pressure on the inner wall of your bladder? Now? Right at this moment?
Emmett Fritz-Hume: No. I'm fine.
[There is a war cry in the distance.]
Emmett Fritz-Hume: Was that me?
[Ninjas emerge and surround Millbarge and Fitz-Hume.]
Austin Milbarge: We need a plan.
Emmett Fritz-Hume: Let's play dead.
Austin Milbarge: For once I'm completely in agreement with my partner. I'm not going down there. Do you know what those things can do? Suck the paint off your house and give your family a permanent orange afro.
Emmett Fritz-Hume: My objective? Well I object to taking a girl out, you know, and buying her dinner and then she won't put out for you.
Russian interrogater: Why are you here?
Emmett Fritz-Hume: Why am I here? Why are you here? Why is anybody here? I think it was Jean-Paul Sartre who once said... how do you spell spell Sartre?
[soldier slaps him]
Emmett Fritz-Hume: Owww... and let that be a lesson to you.
Russian interrogator: Every minute you don't tell us why you are here I cut off a finger.
Emmett Fritz-Hume: Mine or yours?
Russian interrogator: Yours.
Emmett Fritz-Hume: Damn!
Emmett Fritz-Hume: Oh. Uh, will you hold my wallet for me while I take the test please? There is a thousand dollars in there or maybe there isn't. Know what I mean?
Test Monitor: Are you saying I can take this money if I help you pass the test?
Emmett Fritz-Hume: What do you think?
Emmett Fritz-Hume: Did you hear that?
Austin Milbarge: ...yeah it's a dicfer.
Emmett Fritz-Hume: What's a dicfer?
Austin Milbarge: To pee with.
[Emmett Fritz-Hume and Austin Millbarge are surrounded by Ninja warriors]
Austin Millbarge: Show some balls, man!
Emmett Fritz-Hume: I think it's too late to try and impress them.
[Arguing surgical techniques]
Austin Millbarge: We mock what we don't understand.
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