Quotes from
Trading Places (1983)
Billy Ray Valentine: You know, you can't just go around and shoot people in the kneecaps with a double-barrelled shotgun because you're pissed at them.Louis Winthorpe III: Why not?
Billy Ray Valentine: Because it's called assault with a deadly weapon, you get twenty years for that shit.
Louis Winthorpe III: Listen, do you have any better ideas?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way to hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.
Coleman: You have to admit, sir, you didn't like it yourself a bit.
Louis: Looking good, Billy Ray!
Billy Ray: Feeling good, Louis!
Louis: My God! The Dukes are going to corner the entire frozen orange juice market!
Ophelia: Unless somebody stops them...
Coleman: ...or beats them to it. Eggnog?
Billy Ray: Merry New Year!
Beeks: That's "happy." In this country we say "Happy New Year."
Billy Ray: Oh, ho, ho, thank you for correcting my English which stinks!
Randolph Duke: Mother always said you were greedy.
Mortimer Duke: She meant it as a compliment.
Even Bigger Black Guy: It ain't cool being no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving.
Big Black Guy: Yeah!
Pawnbroker: Burnt my fingers man.
Louis Winthorpe III: I beg your pardon?
Pawnbroker: Man, that watch is so hot, its smokin'.
Louis Winthorpe III: Hot? Do you mean to imply stolen?
Pawnbroker: I'll give you fifty bucks for it.
Louis Winthorpe III: Fifty bucks? No, no, no. This is a Rouchefoucauld. The finest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is *the* sports watch of the '80s. Six thousand, nine hundred and fifty five dollars retail!
Pawnbroker: You got a receipt?
Louis Winthorpe III: It tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverley Hills, London, Paris, Rome and Gstaad.
Pawnbroker: In Philadelphia it's worth 50 bucks.
Louis Winthorpe III: I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro.
[approaching the New York Commodities Exchange]
Louis Winthorpe III: Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the unlimited carnage you are about to witness. Superbowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One moment you're up half a mil in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah, we got to kill the mother - we got to kill 'em!
Louis Winthorpe III: He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like oh, sure he went to Harvard.
Louis Winthorpe III: Nenge? Nenge Mboko? It is me, Lionel Joseph!
Billy Ray Valentine: Lionel! From the African Education Conference!
Louis Winthorpe III: Yah, mon, I was Director of Cultural Activities at the Haile Selassie Pavilion.
Billy Ray Valentine: I remember the pavilion - we had big fun there!
Both: Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah! Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah!
Billy Ray Valentine: Oh, memories!
Billy Ray Valentine: Get the fuck out!
Randolph Duke: Exactly why do you think the price of pork bellies is going to keep going down, William?
Billy Ray Valentine: Okay, pork belly prices have been dropping all morning, which means that everybody is waiting for it to hit rock bottom, so they can buy low. Which means that the people who own the pork belly contracts are saying, "Hey, we're losing all our damn money, and Christmas is around the corner, and I ain't gonna have no money to buy my son the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip! And my wife ain't gonna f... my wife ain't gonna make love to me if I got no money!" So they're panicking right now, they're screaming "SELL! SELL!" to get out before the price keeps dropping. They're panicking out there right now, I can feel it.
[on the ticker machine, the price keeps dropping]
Randolph Duke: He's right, Mortimer! My God, look at it!
[after breaking a vase]
Billy Ray Valentine: Hey, sorry about that.
Randolph Duke: It's perfectly alright William. It was your vase.
Billy Ray Valentine: That was a cheap vase, right? That was a fake?
Randolph Duke: I believe we paid $35,000. But if I remember correctly, the insurance company valued it at $50,000. You see, Mortimer? William has already made us $15,000.
[Coleman, Mortimer, Randolph, and Billy Ray start laughing]
Billy Ray Valentine: You want me to break something else?
Randolph Duke, Mortimer Duke, Coleman: NO!
Even Bigger Black Guy: You beatin' 10 cops. How come I don't see no bruises on you?
Billy Ray Valentine: 'Cause I'm a karate man, see! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don't show their weakness. But you don't know that because you're a big Barry White looking motherfucker!
Billy Ray Valentine: [while acting handicapped with no legs] Hey baby, whats happenin? I know what you thinkin baby, once you have a man with no legs, there's no goin back...
[she begins to walk away]
Billy Ray Valentine: We can make it baby! Me and you!... Ya BITCH!
Louis Winthorpe III: [to Penelope] Those men wanted to have sex with me!
Officer Reynolds: Strip you little shit before I tear you a new asshole!
Billy Ray: When I was growing up, if we wanted a Jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub.
Louis: [after giving the secret knock] Who is it?
Billy Ray Valentine: Open the door, man!
[on his first day of work]
Billy Ray Valentine: What if I can't do this job, Coleman? What if I'm not what they expected?
Coleman: Just be yourself, sir. Whatever happens, they can't take that away from you.
Billy Ray Valentine: Hey that's the motherf- I mean... that's the gentleman that got me me arrested.
Ophelia: [Ophelia notices Louis watching her undress] By the way, food and rent are not the only things that cost money around here.
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