Quotes from
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
Melissa: Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson.
Ace Ventura: Pleasure to meet you.
Melissa: Did you have any trouble getting in?
Ace Ventura: No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle.
Ace Ventura: Alrighty then.
Marino: Hey Ace, got anymore of that gum?
Ace Ventura: That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.
Ace Ventura: If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer!
Mrs. Finkle: If he had held the ball laces out like he's supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell!
Ace Ventura: I have a package for you, sir.
Man: Sounds broken.
Ace Ventura: Most likely; I bet it was something nice, though!
Ace Ventura: Yo, Ron! Where's the bathroom?
Ronald Camp: Right over there.
Ace Ventura: [groaning] I think it's the pate. Stuff probably looks better on the way out!
Ace Ventura: Do not, go in there!
Ronald Camp: I'll have the plumbing checked immediately, Mr. Ace.
Ace Ventura: See that you do. If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed.
Aguado: Homicide, Ventura, now how ya gonna solve that one?
Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. The killer saw the size of the bug's DICK and become insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds... PORKIN' his wife!
[Ace Ventura is trying to get his car started, while looking at somebody smashing it with a bat in his mirror]
Ace Ventura: Warning! Assholes are closer than they appear!
[Ace Ventura just got his car started]
Ace Ventura: It's ALIVE. IT'S ALIVE!
Ace Ventura: I just visited Ray Finkle's place.
Melissa: And?
Ace Ventura: Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lecter.
Melissa: You know, you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger.
Ace Ventura: Oh yeah? And you're ugly.
Lois Einhorn: Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.
Woman: You really do love animals, don't you?
Ace Ventura: Only if it gets cold enough.
Ace Ventura: I'm looking for Ray Finkle.
[A shotgun cocks and is pointed at his head.]
Ace Ventura: ...and a clean pair of shorts.
<Mr. Finkle: What do you know about Ray Finkle?
[Ace sucks in a huge breath of air.]
Ace Ventura: Soccer style kicker graduated from Cauler high June 1976, Stetson University honors graduate class of 1980, holds 2 NCAA division 1 records one for most points in a season, one for distance, former nickname "The Mule," The first and oly pro athlete to come out of Cauler County and one hell of a model American.
Mr. Finkle: Are you another one of those "Hard Copy" guys?
Ace Ventura: No Sir, I'm just a very big Finkle fan, This is my Graceland.
Lois Einhorn: Ventura, when I get out of that bathroom, you better be gone!
Ace Ventura: Is it number one or number two? I just want to know how much time I have.
[Ventura knocks on the door]
Woodstock: What's the password?
Ace Ventura: New England clam chowder.
Woodstock: Is that the red or the white?
Ace Ventura: Ah, I can never remember that. White. [Door opens] Yes!
Mr. Shickadance: Ventuuurrraaa!
Ace Ventura: Yes, Satan? Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else.
Mr. Shickadance: I heard animals in there, Ventura. I heard 'em again this mornin' scratchin' around.
Ace Ventura: I never bring my work home with me, sir.
Mr. Shickadance: Oh yeah. What's all this pet food for?
Ace Ventura: Fiber.
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