Quotes from
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)
Ted Logan: This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Ashman's Sporting Goods.
[Delivering a history report.]
Ox: Everything is different, but the same... things are more moderner than before... bigger, and yet smaller... it's computers... San Dimas High School football rules!
[Bill and Ted are working on their history report.]
Bill: George Washington: the father of our country.
Ted: Also born on President's Day.
Bill: The dollar bill guy.
Ted: Hey, did you ever make a mushroom out of his head--?
Bill: Ted?
Ted: What?
Bill: Alaska.
Ted: Oh yeah.
[thinks for a moment]
Ted: Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick!
Bill: That's Captain Ahab, dude.
[An early morning jam]
Bill: I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
Ted: And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.
Bill, Ted: And together, we're WYLD STALLYNS!
Mr. Ryan: All you boys seemed to have learned is that Caesar is a "salad dressing dude."
Missy: Hi, Bill. Hi, Ted. Need a ride?
Bill: Sure, Missy! I mean, Mom.
[She smiles]
Ted: [whispering to Bill] Your step-mom's cute.
Bill: Shut up, Ted!
Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshman?
Bill: Shut up, Ted!
[Bill thought Ted was killed.]
Bill: Ted, you're alive!
Ted: Yeah, I fell out of my armor when it hit the floor!
[They hug.]
Bill, Ted: [to each other] Fag!
Ted: Be excellent to each other.
Bill: Party on, dudes.
[After seeing the Princesses Joanna and Elizabeth]
Ted: Bill?
Bill: What?
Ted: I'm in love, dude.
Bill: Come on, this is a history report, not a babe report.
Ted: But, Bill, those are historical babes!
Bill: Okay, you're the ladies' man. How we gonna meet 'em?
Bill: You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!
Ted: [to Socrates] All we are is dust in the wind, dude.
History Teacher: Who was Joan of Arc?
Ted: Noah's wife?
Ted: I can't believe your dad's actually going for it in your room!
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Your step-mom is cute, though.
Bill: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Remember when I asked her out to the prom?
Bill: Shut up Ted!!
Bill: [to peasant] Excuse me. Do you know where there are any personages of historical signiface around here?
Bill S. Preston, Ted Logan: Excellent!
Ted Logan: Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K.
[Bill S. Preston and Ted Logan meet themselves]
Ted Logan: OK wait. If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of?
Bill S. Preston, Ted Logan: 69 dudes!
Bill S. Preston, Ted Logan: Whoa!
[Quadruple air guitar solo]
Ted Logan: Dude, are you sure we should be doing this?
Bill S. Preston: Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as bodacious as what just happened. Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy...
Ted Logan: What if we were lying?
Bill S. Preston: Why would we lie to ourselves?
[Just before time-traveling for the first time]
Rufus: [putting on his sunglasses] Gentlemen... We're history!
Bill S. Preston: Socrates; "The only true wisdom consists of knowing you know nothing".
Ted Logan: That's us, dude!
[Bill S. Preston and Ted Logan have met themselves again]
Bill S. Preston, Ted Logan: Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
Bill S. Preston: That conversation made more sense this time.
Police Psychiatrist: I don't know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
Sigmund Freud: Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud?
Police Psychiatrist: Why do you keep asking me these questions?
Sigmund Freud: Tell me about your mother.
Ted: Dude, it's Sigmund Frood!
Bill: Extra credit, dude. Let's bag him!
Ted: [to Freud] How's it goin' Frood-dude?
[As Genghis Khan shows off, Ted narrates]
Ted: As you can see, Genghis greatly enjoys Twinkies because of the excellent sugar rush!
[Repeated lines]
Abraham Lincoln: Be excellent to each other... And party on, dudes!
[Last line (while Bill S. Preston and Ted Logan are "jamming")]
Rufus: [reassuringly to the camera] They do get better.
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