Quotes from
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)
[McCoy trying to discuss what death was like with Spock]McCoy: C'mon Spock, it's me, McCoy. You really have gone where no man's gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like?
Spock: [in response to Kirk pawning his antique spectacles from Wrath of Khan] Excuse me, Admiral. But weren't those a birthday gift from Dr. McCoy?
Kirk: And they will be again, that's the beauty of it.
[to Antique Store Owner]
Kirk: How much?
Antique Store Owner: Well, they'd be worth more if the lenses were intact. I'll give you one hundred dollars for them.
Kirk: ...Is that a lot?
[Kirk and Spock enter a bus headed for the aquarium... only to exit the bus about 2 seconds later]
Spock: [to Kirk] What does it mean, "exact change"?
Punk on bus: [plays loud music on a bus]
Kirk: Excuse me.
Punk on bus: [doesn't listen]
Kirk: Excuse me. Would you mind stopping that noise?
Punk on bus: [turns it up louder]
Kirk: [louder and firmer] Excuse me! Would you mind stopping that damn noise?
Punk on bus: [flips him off]
Kirk: [looks at Spock]
Spock: [gives the punk the Vulcan Neck-Pinch, much to the delighted applause of the gratefull bus passengers]
Spock: Admiral, may I ask you a question?
Kirk: Spock, don't call me Admiral. You used to call me Jim. Don't you remember, "Jim"?
Spock: ...
Kirk: [gives up] What's your question?
Chekov: Admiral. We have found the nuclear wessel.
Kirk: Well done, Team 2.
Chekov: And Admiral... it is the Enterprise.
[Kirk and Spock look at each other]
Kirk: Understood.
[Explaining Spock's odd behavior]
Kirk: Oh, him? He's harmless. Part of the free speech movement at Berkeley in the sixties. I think he did a little too much LDS.
[Spock is still learning how to use profanity correctly]
Spock: They like you very much, but they are not the hell "your" whales.
Dr. Gillian Taylor: I suppose they told you that.
Spock: The hell they did.
[faced with a 20th century computer]
Scotty: Computer. Computer?
[Bones hands him a mouse and he speaks into it]
Scotty: Hello, computer.
Dr. Nichols: Just use the keyboard.
Scotty: Keyboard. How quaint.
Dr. Gillian Taylor: Do you guys like Italian?
Kirk: Yes.
Spock: No.
Kirk: Yes.
Spock: No.
Kirk: I love Italian,
[looks at Spock]
Kirk: And so do you.
Spock: Yes.
Spock: Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall we say, more colorful metaphors, "double dumb-ass on you" and so forth.
Kirk: Oh, you mean the profanity?
Spock: Yes.
Kirk: Well that's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.
Kirk: Spock, where the hell's the power you promised?
Spock: One damn minute, Admiral.
[after landing and cloaking a Klingon spaceship in Golden Gate Park]
Kirk: Everybody remember where we parked.
Kirk: If we play our cards right, we may be able to find out when those whales are being released.
Spock: How will playing cards help?
Dr. Gillian Taylor: Don't tell me, you're from outer space.
Kirk: No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space.
Kirk: Out of the way...
Policeman: Sorry, Doctor, I have strict orders...
[Gillian moans in pain]
McCoy: My God man. Do you want an acute case on your hands? This woman has immediate post-parandial, upper-abdominal distention.
[they enter the OR]
Kirk: What did you say she has?
McCoy: Cramps.
[Gillian has just beamed aboard the Klingon ship for the first time]
Kirk: Hello, Alice. Welcome to Wonderland.
[Uhura and Chekov are lost and looking to find an aircraft carrier]
Chekov: Excuse me I'm looking for the nuclear wessels
[a cop looks at him]
Chekov: Nuclear wessels.
Disgruntled guy in car: Watch where you're going, ya dumb ass.
Kirk: Well, a double dumb ass on you.
McCoy: I mean, I may have carried your soul but I sure couldn't fill your shoes.
Spock: My shoes?
McCoy: Forget it.
Dr. Gillian Taylor: Are you sure you won't change your mind?
Spock: Is there something wrong with the one I have?
Scotty: Admiral, there be whales here.
McCoy: What's wrong with you?
Elderly patient: I'm waiting for dialysis.
McCoy: Dialysis? What is this, the Dark Ages?
McCoy: My God, man. Drilling holes in his head isn't the answer.
Kirk: Mr. Spock, have you accounted for the variable mass of whales and water in your time re-entry program?
Spock: Mr. Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral, so... I will make a guess.
Kirk: A guess? You, Spock? That's extraordinary.
Spock: [to McCoy] I don't think he understands.
McCoy: No, Spock. He means that he feels safer about your guesses than most other people's facts.
Spock: Then you're saying... it is a compliment?
McCoy: It is.
Spock: Ah. Then I will try to make the best guess I can.
[Chekov is being interrogated]
FBI Agent: Name.
Chekov: My name?
FBI Agent: [sarcastically] No, my name.
Chekov: I do not know your name.
FBI Agent: You play games with me mister, and you're through.
Chekov: I am? Can I go now?
Security Guard: How's the patient, doctor?
Kirk: He's gonna make it.
Security Guard: He? You came in with a she.
Kirk: One little mistake...
Chekov: Cloaking device available on all flight modes.
Kirk: I'm impressed; that's a lot of work for a short journey.
Chekov: We are in an enemy wessel. I did not wish to be shot down on our way to our own funeral.
Spock: Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?
Dr. Gillian Taylor: He's just gonna hang around the bushes while we eat?
Kirk: [shrugs] It's his way.
[Kirk has just spoken very abruptly to Scotty]
Scotty: He's in a wee bit of a snit, isn't he?
Spock: He is a man of deep feelings.
Scotty: Aye, what else is new.
McCoy: You realize that by giving him the formula you're altering history.
Scotty: Why? How do we know he didn't invent the thing?
Kirk: You're not exactly catching us at our best.
Spock: That much is certain.
Kirk: This is good-bye?
Dr. Gillian Taylor: Why does it have to be good-bye?
Kirk: Well, like they say in your century, I don't even have your telephone number.
[interrogating Chekov]
FBI Agent 1: [to colleague] What do you think?
FBI Agent 2: He's a Russki.
FBI Agent 1: That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life of course he's a Russki but is he a retard or somethin?...
[Chekov picks up hos phaser, stands up and aims it towards the FBI Agents]
Chekov: Don't Move.
FBI Agent 1: Okaay, make nice, give is the ray gun...
Chekov: I warn you, if you don't lie on the floor I will have to stun you.
FBI Agent 1: Go ahead. 'Stun' me...
Chekov: I'm very sorry but...
[Attempts to fire phaser but it malfunctions]
Chekov: ...Heh... It must be the radiation...
[Starts running]
[the crew is on a shuttlecraft pondering what their new ship will be]
Sulu: ...I'm counting on Excelsior.
Scotty: Excelsior? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts?
Kirk: A ship is a ship.
Scotty: Whatever you say so... Thy will be done.
[the new USS Enterprise 1701-A emerges]
Kirk: My friends... We've come home.
Dr. Gillian Taylor: Don't tell me you don't use money in the 23rd Century.
Kirk: Well we don't.
Klingon Ambassador: There can be no peace as long as Kirk lives.
Gillian: You're not from the military are you? Trying to teach whales to retrieve torpedoes or some dipshit stuff like that?
Kirk: No, ma'am. No dipshit.
Gillian: Well, good. If that was one thing I would have dropped you off right here.
Spock: Gracie is pregnant.
[Gillian squeals to a stop]
Kirk: They say the sea is cold, but the sea contains the hottest blood of all.
Gillian: 'Whales Weep Not'... D. H. Lawrence.
Kirk: You're half human, Spock, don't you have any god damn feelings about that?
Klingon Ambassador: Behold the quintessential devil in these matters: James T. Kirk, renegade and terrorist.
McCoy: I don't know if you've got the whole picture, but he's not exactly working on all thrusters.
[to 20th Century American interrogators]
Chekov: I am Pavel Chekov, a commander in Starfleet. United Federation of Planets Service Number .
[on 20th Century America]
Kirk: This is an extremely primitive and paranoid culture.
Scotty: Damage control is easy. Reading Klingon, that's hard.
Klingon Ambassador: Vulcans are well-known as the intellectual puppets of the Federation.
Sulu: San Francisco! I was born there!
Kirk: [trying to revive a groggy Checkov] Pavel, wake up... Pavel... Name! Rank!
Chekov: [groggy] Name... Chekov, Pavel. Rank... Admiral!
Kirk: May fortune favor the foolish.
Ambassador Sarek: [Starfleet cannot communicate with the probe] It is difficult to answer when one does not understand the question.
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