Quotes from
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[Frank meets Jane after a long time.]
Lt. Frank Drebin: How are the children?
Jane Spencer: We didn't have any children.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, of course.
Dr. Mainheimer: It's a terrible thing that has happened here. I do hope you will find the people responsible.
Lt. Frank Drebin: I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane Spencer: He's Caucasian.
Ed Hocken: Caucasian?
Jane Spencer: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A mustache. About five-foot-ten.
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's an awfully big mustache.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
Frank Drebin: I've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it!
Lt. Frank Drebin: Nice party, Hapsburg... I see a lot of familiar face lifts.
Quentin Hapsburg: You do speak French don't you?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.
[Lt. Frank Drebin is unhappy about Dr. Mainheimer]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Have you noticed anything different about him?
Jane Spencer: Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left handed now... Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Mainheimer and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the president?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Why that's brilliant, that's a lot better than what I came up with.
[Hector Savage is in a house surrounded by armed police... He makes his demands]
Hector Savage: I want a car out front, something fun, a Porsche, then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica... And I want a nice hotel, no touristy place... Something really indicative of the people and their culture.
[Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin: ...blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn't?
[Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin: I want a world where Frank junior and all the Frank juniors can sit under a shady tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-11 without an interpreter.
[Lt. Frank Drebin and Jane Spencer are standing next to a nuclear bomb which is about to explode]
Jane Spencer: Frank, if you're going to be blown to bits, I want to be here with you.
Lt. Frank Drebin: The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh, sure maybe not as much as jumping on a bike with the seat missing...
Busty Female Shop Assistant: Is this some kind of bust?
Frank Drebin: It's very impressive, yes.
[Lt. Frank Drebin and Ed Hocken are in a sex shop making inquiries]
Busty Female Shop Assistant: Why should I tell you copper?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people of this town.
[A male shop assistant appears from a storeroom.]
Assistant: Oh hi Frank, say we got that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered.
Lt. Frank Drebin to the Female Assistant: It's a gift.
[Frank Drebin and Ed Hocken try to analyze a case]
Frank Drebin: Why would anyone do this?
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: No, thanks, not now...
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