Quotes from
Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)
[During prison riot]Rocko Dillon: I've been watching you McGurke. You handle yourself really good.
Frank Drebin: Really well.
Rocko Dillon: Whatever.
Jane Spencer: Now I know why Ed's been calling every half hour. You've been back on a case, haven't you?
Frank Drebin: No, no, I swear, it's another woman.
Jane Spencer: In your wildest dreams.
[Frank Drebin is stopped at the entrance of the Award Ceremony place]
Frank Drebin: Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad.
Guard: Yeah, and I'm Robert De Niro.
Frank Drebin: Mr. De Niro, we got to get inside.
Frank: Like a midget at a urinal, I was gonna have to stay on my toes.
Frank: Like a blind man at an orgy, I was gonna have to feel things out.
Tanya Peters: What are you doing?
Frank Drebin: Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
Tanya Peters: Your bishop's exposed.
Frank Drebin: It's these pants.
Tanya Peters: You're all man. I like that in my men.
Frank Drebin: You're coming on to me big time, sister. You're preying on me like a kitten with a fresh mouse. And we got a problem.
Tanya Peters: You're Jewish?
Frank Drebin: No. You're Rocko's girl, and in my book that chapter's called "look but don't touch."
Tanya Peters: I could have two lovers.
Frank Drebin: Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.
[Frank offers Tanya a cigarette]
Frank Drebin: Cigarette?
Tanya Peters: Yes, I know.
[Jane catches Frank kissing Tanya]
Jane Spencer: How could you!
Tanya Peters: Well, you just shove your tongue as far down his throat as you can.
Ed Hocken: You might end up dead!
Frank Drebin: "You might end up dead" is my middle name.
Ed Hocken: What about Jane?
Frank Drebin: I don't know her middle name.
Frank Drebin: Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, cold-blooded, sadistic animal. You must be proud of him.
Muriel Dillon: I am.
Rocco Dillon: Where's your prison number?
Frank Drebin: It's unlisted.
Olympia Dukakis: What's that?
James Earl Jones: It looks like Phil Donahue throwing up into a tuba.
Tyrone: You just watch your step, McGurke. This place here changes a man.
Frank Drebin: Yeah, in what way?
Tyrone: I used to be white. I was the drummer for the Osmonds.
Muriel Dillon: How's my little boy? Getting along OK, sweetie?
Rocco Dillon: As well as a heterosexual can in prison. I don't know how much longer I can take it. How's Tanya?
Muriel Dillon: Tanya's the same. Milky, creamy skin, pouting red lips, firm buttocks, ample breasts, ears you want to stick your tongue into.
Rocco Dillon: Ma, please. I'm gonna get guy cramps if you keep this up.
Frank Drebin: I am what I am. And I do what I do. A few guys make shoe laces, some lay sod, others make a very good living neutering animals. I'm a cop.
Papshmir: My people are very upset.
Muriel Dillon: They're always upset. They're Arab terrorists.
Frank Drebin: Well... We shot a lot of people together. It's been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party.
Frank Drebin: Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye. It's just I won't ever see you again.
Dr. Stuart Eisendrath: You know, I feel it's important to get off on the right foot and not get caught up in blame. Now, which one of you is impotent?
Jane Spencer: Uh, that would be him.
Frank Drebin: Why don't you ask who's frigid?
Jane Spencer: Uh, that would be him also.
Frank Drebin: I'm not a piece of meat Jane. I'm trying. I've got oitments, lotions, creams, books, things that vibrate.
Dr. Stuart Eisendrath: Have you tried sexy lingerie? Some lacy underwear? A black teddy?
Frank Drebin: I tried wearing them all. They don't work.
Ed Hocken: We heard about you and Jane.
Frank Drebin: Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.
Frank Drebin: Hey! You call this slop? Real slop has got chunks in it! This is more like gruel! And this Chateau le Blanc '68 is supposed to be served slightly chilled! This is room temperature! What do you think we are, animals?
Frank Drebin: They're going to blow that place sky high. It'll be a tragedy. Unless it's during a dance number.
Rocco Dillon: Any last words before I throw you off?
Jane Spencer: Yes. Don't do it.
Dr. Kohlzak: [at a Sperm Bank and Fertility Clinic, unbeknownst to Frank, who's faking an old football injury] When did you first notice the problem?
Frank Drebin: In the backyard, with my uncle.
Dr. Kohlzak: In the backyard... with your uncle?
Frank Drebin: Yes, when he comes over we like to go out in the backyard and throw it around for a while.
Dr. Kohlzak: And what did you and your uncle find out?
Frank Drebin: Oh, I can't keep up with him, mine hurt especially on the long ones. I can't seem to straighten it out, it has no feeling, it's... it's kind of numb. I may have yanked it too much maybe.
Dr. Kohlzak: [Hands him a cup and opens a door to another room] If you would.
Frank Drebin: For what?
Dr. Kohlzak: A sperm count.
Frank Drebin: In here?
Dr. Kohlzak: Well, it's not exactly the backyard, but it'll do.
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